Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"



Beta #1 Results (10dp3dt)

I will admit to feeling ‘less pregnant’ this morning (if that is even possible in these early days) and did POAS which was still positive.  It was my last test from the 2 pack I bought on Sunday and I will not be buying anymore.

Thank g-d I have such a long history with my […]

Not a Figment

It is all very surreal, unexpected, given the perceived quality of the embryos.  Nothing to do now but wait.  Unless my clinic wants me to come in today, beta will be tomorrow.

“That willing suspension of disbelief for the moment, which constitutes poetic faith.” ~Samuel Taylor Coleridge


Made a Liar Out of Me

I want to chronicle how I came to POAS this morning, after indicating in this post that I would not POAS again until beta, not only because I am not that fickle but also to illustrate the absolute fuckedupness that is IF. First, by way of history, this was my 12th transfer, I have been […]

8dp4dt (do you see what I see?)


Just a brief update as there isn’t much more to say than that this morning’s HPT was negative.   I did it mostly as a matter of course not because I was expecting a different result.  I won’t HPT again and beta will be Tuesday.

We ran out of POE last night so instead of a […]


While in the throes of despair from the feelings associated with my last post, I was feeling like a failure.  It was playing on endless loop how I couldn’t believe I had failed at this, this pursuit to have another child.  I just could not (still can’t) wrap my brain around having reached the end […]

4dp3dt, I Concede

I appreciate the support from all those who have posted here or reached out to me directly.  Given how isolating this process has been, it brings me such comfort to have the unconditional support from those who care.

I just dropped my son off at school, have come home, opened the shades on a lovely, […]


I wish, that as one commenter said, I was at peace.  I feel far from it.  I feel like I am lodged between flimsy hope for a successful outcome (and, really, I’m not hopeful at all, it’s just that until I know for sure, I have to let it play out, but I expect the […]


So, here I am, 1dp3dt.  My mood is good, as in stable, and not despairing.  I committed to myself that I would not go into the early emotional dark hole I fell into last time.  The sun is shining, the temperatures here will be working their way back to the mid-80s, and the life that […]

Transfer, deFET #2

I woke up at 5:00 this morning and am writing this from the darkness and quiet of our family room.  I slept well last night, but once I was up, I was up, with thoughts about how monumental this morning feels.  Of course, I am trying not to worry that the embryos all arrested.  While […]