Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"



Back Story

Not fair to leave you hanging but the back story to my re-involvement with my parents isn’t all that grand. My mother was in the hospital a couple of months ago to treat a recurrence of diverticulitus. She was very sick and in a lot of pain. I believe that this particular bout was severe […]


It has hurt me on some primal level that my parents didn’t even acknowledge my birthday. It’s a feeling I can’t seem to shake, being abandoned by two sets of parents. Me, the parentless child.

Kinship is the only thing that makes me feel better…knowing that I am not alone. It isn’t even the awareness […]


Tomorrow night is the open house at my older son’s school. Family and friends are invited to attend. The children’s work will be on display to new/incoming/prospective families as well as to parents to see all they’ve accomplished. I cannot believe that in 3 weeks my son will have completed first grade. A second grader? […]

Rocky Road

I have come a long way toward accepting the estrangement from my parents (and, vis a vis, my sister and her family). Fixing it is not a possibility given the mental health issues with my mother and my father’s dependence (post stroke) on her. It isn’t even so much about managing it anymore as are […]

My Mother Hates Me

This is not the post I envisioned for what was otherwise a lovely Christmas holiday. My mother certainly ruined my Christmas eve but as I didn’t have to see her today and I hope not for many months, we had a great day.

And, while my husband said he thinks it is fear, not hate, […]

How It Went

I decided that I would arrive just late and leave early to the memorial.  Depending on how it went, we’d go, as a family, to the dinner following.  On my way there, I called my childhood friend and told her I needed a mantra.  (As an aside, I feel juvenile and not like the mature, […]

The Other Side of the Coin

This was my sister’s FB status this morning:

“Happy Birthday to my mom, an amazing artist, totally helpful Grandma and the most supportive fabulous mother anyone could ask for!”

I can’t help but feel sad for myself, this utter dichotomy in our relationship to and with the same woman.

When Things Make Me Feel Bad About Myself

Tomorrow is my mother’s birthday. Growing up, my mom made it a big deal that we celebrate her birthday and their wedding anniversary. She would actually get angry if we forgot their anniversary. I remember when I was in college her berating me for not acknowledging their anniversary and wondering why it was such a […]


Merriam-Webster’s definition of estrange include:

1. to turn away in feeling or affection; make unfriendly or hostile; alienate the affections of 2. to remove to or keep at a distance

Yep, that about sums it up.

Even though my dad came to my older son’s 6th birthday party this year and even though […]

Work in Progress

It has been revelatory, finally finding the right therapist.  That she is also an adult adoptee and has spent the majority of her career working with those of us who also are, provides a kind of illumination that I simply don’t think another therapist could.  I liken it to infertility; many in our lives can […]