Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"

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Now what?

When my son was 5 months old we began trying in earnest to have a sibling . Even after my protracted bed rest, I was singularly focused on having another baby. I wanted them spaced as closely together as possible and, given my age, 41 at the time, the sooner the better. I was so optimistic since it only took 2 fresh IVFs (with a failed FET in between) and one surgery to conceive T.  But, the first post partum cycle was BFN with nothing to freeze because at my advanced age “let’s just throw them all back in” ,which in that case was seven embryos.  The next IVF resulted in a chemical pregnancy.  The next was BFN and the one after that was the only ectopic pregnancy of my life (lucky me!). 

We decided to give up on my eggs as the law of diminishing returns was too great to overlook and “move on”, as they say, to a donor egg cycle.  Meanwhile, I attended another domestic adoption seminar and filed away the information since we’d always talked about adopting (I loved the firm, the founder and his wife, and knew that we’d have good fortune should we travel down that path in the future).   As for the donor cycle, it was a dismal failure.  The donor produced 11 eggs (less than I was producing! but, “she’s 25.  Her eggs are golden” I was reminded) of which only 6 fertilized.  So worried was everyone about multiples that my RE (with the embryologist in tow) would only allow me to transfer three (although so unconvinced was I that I wanted to transfer all six) and freeze the other three. 

The fresh cycle was negative.  On the one hand I was devastated while on the other I figured as much.  How could I ever have hope for the three lesser quality frozen ones when the best fresh ones produced squat.  It came as no surprise to me then (even though I was shocked none the less) that the three frozens didn’t even survive the thaw.

That was in July, 2009 and now here we  I am wondering what, if anything, we’ll do.  I never ever imagined us as a family of three (and more about why, later).   And, even after all that effort (financial, emotional, physical), my husband would be fine if that were the outcome.   We’re getting older, T is almost three and quite self sufficient, everyone is getting enough sleep, traveling is easy, we are both able to maintain some semblance of independence  even if we do spend most of our time together, and life would be, well, easier.  But, while that may suit him just fine, I can’t say that I’m there, and not by a long shot. 

Each night when it’s time for T to brush his teeth and if a battle ensues, my husband will say, “Do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?”.  I think about that question in reference to our family.  And since when have I ever taken the easy way?

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