Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"

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In the File Marked “You Never Know”

As we prepare to move in a month, we’ve been selling everything that we don’t intend to have or use in the new house. We had a moving sale last weekend, but some of the bigger items that didn’t sell, I put on craigslist. One of those items was a 9 X 12 rug. The first (who then became the only) interested party flaked. The following day someone else reached out to me who seemed very interested but couldn’t get here to see the rug until this weekend. Because our move isn’t imminent and since no one else was interested, I decided that this weekend was fine. However, later that day, someone else, we’ll call her “D” inquired. I explained that someone else responded before her but couldn’t get out until the weekend and she responded that that was OK and asked if could she just come by to have a look and if she wanted the rug, she’d wait till the weekend to see if the other person wanted it or not.

I knew that anyone seeing the rug was going to want it as it was practically new and the colors were neutral enough to go with almost any decor. My gut told me to let the other party know that someone was coming by that afternoon to look at the rug and that I was going to sell it if she wanted it. I felt bad because I’d previously indicated I’d wait for her to come out, but, I ascribe to the adage a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush so I was going to sell it.

D came by and of course she wanted the rug. She was thrilled that I agreed to sell it to her because she knew it had been my intention to let the other woman see it first. I’m an engaging person so we began chatting, first about the hard time she’d had finding a rug (this was going to be her 4th rug purchase, and none of the others ended up “going” with her couch). We continued talking and she said she was a post partum doula. That led to conversation about the family she was helping and how, here it was, 7 months after the baby boy was born and the mother, who’d gone back to work, asked her to stay on as a nanny. Somehow that sparked a conversation about my son, who was in the room charming her, why we were moving, and how we were trying to adopt (funny how that comes up).

I mentioned that both my husband and I are adopted and she said her mother had been adopted, too. Somehow we got on the topic of children learning things younger and younger and how this generation of teenagers were “fast” but not mature, yada, yada, yada. She began to recount an experience that she’d recently had while in a Target buying pacifiers for the boy she is nannying. She was approached by a girl and her friend, the girl visibly pregnant, who asked her if she could recommend which bottles to get and which other newborn essentials she should get. D was happy to help and while it struck her that the pregnant girl was young, she couldn’t gauge her age. The pregnant girl shared that she had no real family support, the father of the baby wasn’t in the picture, that she didn’t know the first thing about babies or their care, and that she was worried about how she was going to manage when the baby was born. D explained that she was a doula and gave the girl her number to call once the baby arrived if she had questions. The girl said she had no money to pay her and D said not to worry, she’d counsel her by phone, free of charge.

So, the girl had the baby, a girl, and she did call D. She was having a very rough time of it and D offered to come over to help. D arrived and was shocked to see the squalor this young girl and her baby were living in. The girl was living with her father, her mother had skipped out on her when she was young, and her grandmother and an aunt lived next door. It was clear to D that there were a lot of underlying dynamics going on but she did her best to focus on the girl, the baby, and offer help in any way she could. It turns out that the girl is 16. D’s heart went out to this mother, a child herself, and to this little baby girl.

I sat listening to the story, not thinking much other than had sad it was for this girl to have gotten herself into this situation. Then D said to me, “the next time she calls, I’m going to talk to her about placing her daughter for adoption. Would you be interested in a 3 month old?”. She said it quite casually and I responded in kind, saying yes, I would want to know more and that we would love having a 3 month old. I didn’t want to ask more, although I quite could have. Our conversation moved on to being a stay at home mom then back to the rug and how she was going to transport it. She gave me a deposit, we agreed she’d come back last night with her sons to move it, and she left.

She came back to pick up the rug, I asked her to get me her doula info so that I could pass it along to both my local mom/parenting groups (I am networked with 15,000 Los Angeles area families through two on-line resource groups I belong to. Someone is always looking for a doula or a nanny). I couldn’t help but ask her what the baby’s name was. “Scarlett”, she said. I took the opportunity to convey that I would truly be interested in getting more information should things move in the direction of adoption. And that was that.

I really do not expect anything to come from this particular situation but it did strike me that one never knows. People cross paths for a reason; there are no accidents. So whether it is this situation or some other that she may come across given her line of work, I was meant to sell that rug to her.

“Luck is a matter of preparation meeting opportunity.”
~Oprah Winfrey

10 comments to In the File Marked “You Never Know”

  • I’m not sure I believe in the “all things happen for a reason” theory, because what good reason is there that shitty things happen to people? Even so, I’m still in awe of the randomness of the universe that brings people together, but more importantly, the bonds that keep people together. I’m hoping for a good dose of randomness to come your way soon, with baby girl in hand…

    • iiwii

      I never said “all things happen for a good reason”. And, sometimes out of even the worst situations, something positive emerges (for instance, I’ve been pregnant 7 times and have one living child. Of course I mourn the losses of what might have been, but the road took me to the son I have. I could have never predicted the outcome when I was in the throes of my miscarriages, but here we are. And, further, my losses gave me an even deeper appreciation for what I do have, which is something in and of itself).

      • Sorry, didn’t mean to misquote you. I guess I thought that “good” was sort of implied: one bad thing happens, but good emerges from it. I know what you mean about paths leading you to where you are happy to be; I feel like we ended up with the exact right baby for us after multiple IVFs and losses as well. I guess I’m still suspicious of there being a “greater plan.” For me, the magic is in how we respond to loss and what we make of our lives in spite of it. But my thoughts on that are subject to change :)

  • OHN

    I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. We don’t always know right away what the reasons are, but one day that light bulb will come on and you will say “A-HA”.

    Our son came to us because I also shared our desire to adopt. One small conversation led to a miracle.

  • That’s how a friend of mine found her child to adopt. She sent out letters to appropriate parties and one of those dear birthmother letters found their way to the right person. You just never know.

  • Wow….how crazy is that?! I agree, no one crosses our path by accident and you never know what could come of this. When the baby meant for you is ready to come home, all the stars align and the right people, are in the right place, at the right time! Praying that day comes soon…

  • Claire

    Wow! I had no idea where this was going as I was reading it!!!
    Amazing!!!!
    What a wonderful woman D is, and what a beautiful coincidink – or something!
    So many things we never would know if we didn’t just connect with one another!
    And I would have been all over that rug if I lived nearby. Good thing I don’t or you wouldn’t have met D. We could go on with that train of thought all night though:)
    Wanting to comment on all the family stuff and overwhelm, will when I get the chance soon. In the meantime, please hang in there. One breath at a time, one thing and then the next.

  • What a coincidence. You never know what may happen.

  • You definitely never know.

    xoxo

  • That’s remarkable. You never know, indeed–I will be eagerly waiting to hear what, if anything, comes of this. It sure sounds like a ‘meant to be’ meeting to me. Thinking of you, and hoping–oh so much!–that your baby gets placed in your arms very very soon.

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