We stopped ART a year ago this weekend when the FET from our donor cycle was canceled. I seriously thought that once I decompressed from the 2 years of active treatment, we’d be prepared move forward with adoption. The groundwork was already laid in that I’ve had two consultations, have been to three seminars and know which firm we’ll use. Well, ha!
Around Sept/Oct of 2009, I started using my fertility monitor again, you know, just in case. I mean, when one wants to have another child and when all the high tech methods fail, why not have some good ole procreative sex. I worried, though, that at least one, if not both of my tubes might be blocked (one with scar tissue from my c-section and the other from an ectopic pregnancy (thanks to own-egg IVF #7)). So, just for fun (because who among us doesn’t like a romp with a speculum and catheter), I ordered an HSG (hysterosalpingogram for those playing along at home) to check the state of my tubes. Much to my astonishment BOTH were open (albeit one a bit more sluggish than the other). I actually allowed myself to think that maybe, since of my seven pregnancies, four were conceived naturally, we had at least a shot. Nevermind that my last naturally conceived pregnancy was when I was 39 and I’m now 44. Nevermind that at all.
We’ve been trying monthly ever since to no avail. Recently, during my birthday dinner (because who doesn’t like to whisper sweet nothings about which minimally invasive procedure might we be willing to do to have another biological child), I asked my husband if, just to boost our chances monthly, he’d be open to doing a few IUIs. No stim meds, mind you, just track ovulation and maybe use some lining building patches. And, surprisingly, he said yes.
Now, I knew that meant that I’d have to contact my RE (or his nurse, at least) and open a door I thought I had closed. I wasn’t even sure I could do it. I mean…c’mon…I did 7 own egg IVFs and one donor cycle with him and now I was going to propose doing some natural IUIs? At 44? Really? I needed to muster my inner “I don’t give a flying fuck what they think” girl which I eventually did by way of a short email to my favorite nurse.
She responded by saying she ran the idea by my RE (which really made me cringe from embarrassment (I mean I knew she’d let him know but she didn’t need to tell me she did AND cc him on the email!)) and that she would have to pull my file out of storage (collective gasp) but that she would get back to me with a plan which would include his assessment of the chance of success. Ugh!
And, in reading the response, I literally laughed out loud. Because, knowing all that I know and having done all that I have, why do I cling to the fantasy that I might just get pregnant? And, I guess the short answer is, that I haven’t given up like I thought I did. And, what’s a few IUIs among friends (insert eye roll here).