I am at a serious crossroads. The great news is that my husband has finally found his way and we are on board, together, in wanting another child. His inclination is to adopt (he is very fearful of me being pregnant again because of my incompetent cervix that resulted in an emergency cerclage and 5 months + 1 week of strict bed rest with my son) now that we have a 3 yr old at home). And, as much as I’m not sure that I really want to be pregnant again (especially now that I am working so hard to lose this weight), it seems like a more natural choice (for whatever reason, and I’m not really sure why). So, here are all our options:
1. Begin the domestic adoption process through a firm we’ve already identified, specifying that we want a girl. Know though that my paralyzing fear of flying could really complicate things with an
out of state birth mother. And, I can only imagine how limiting it would be to specify girl AND mother must be in our state.
2. Do a donor egg cycle through SDFC a clinic with 81% donor egg success rates.
3. Look for donated embryos and do a Frozen Embryo Transfer.
4. Try to find a known surrogate (we could NOT afford an “professional” surrogate) to do either a donor egg cycle or donated embryo cycle.
I have been round and round and over and through all the permutations of this in my head over the last year and am absolutely, positively stuck about what to do. Do we chose adoption and have faith that the child we are meant to have (with the birth mother who works for us) will find us?
Do we splurge on a donor egg cycle with SDFC to have a ½ bio sibling (knowing that I’ll require a cerclage and bed rest might be ordered AND we’re on Kaiser now so there goes my trusted relationship with my OB to perform the cerclage).
Do we go the more affordable way and look for donated embryos (with the above still holding true should I get pregnant)?
Do I begin a process to find a surrogate (although I have been over and over in my mind and don’t know anyone) and consider either a donor egg cycle or donated embryo cycle with her?
And, if we do 2, 3, 4, we’d have to do PGD or look for already PGD girl embryos because we really would want the opportunity to parent a girl.
I don’t even know how to tease this out. The most important thing is to have a newborn to complete our family. But, a potential birth mother “situation” gives me so much pause (even though both of us are adopted). And, maybe there is a little bit of me that would like to be pregnant again, although that is fleeting as I am working so hard to get in shape.
I’ll take whatever ideas/advice/support/direction you feel compelled to offer…