Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"

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My Husband

My husband and I have rarely been apart in the eight years we’ve been married (we have been together twelve).  I got married at 37 which meant that, even though I did have long term relationships, I spent a lot of adulthood alone.  My career, while professionally satisfying, took sometimes 70 hours of my work week.  I was constantly surrounded by people at work–employees, co-workers, mentors, candidates, and clients.  I was almost never alone, until everyone else went home at 6.  I, therefore, rarely felt lonely but was acutely aware that I was alone.  Getting married for me was a long held desire but it was also a choice.  I wanted the committed companionship of my best friend as my husband incarnate.

At a party when I was in my 30s, we were playing the Question Game, where provocative questions were posed and answered.  One of the questions was, “Would you rather marry for passion or compatibility?”  Having been in a decade long, fiery but tumultuous, passionate relationship that ultimately burned itself out, I immediately answered for compatibility, because I knew that the day in/day out, through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, aspect of marriage required it.  But, more, I knew that I required it.  Fire always burns itself out.

Although I was slow to warm up to the idea of dating my husband  (he worked in IT in our headquarters across the country and I was an up and coming VP.  Fishing in the company pond was not verboten, but it was of paramount importance that my career as a female in a male dominated industry was not tainted by scandal) it took me almost no time to know, in my heart of hearts, that he was the perfect partner for me.  We saw each other over almost consecutive four or five day weekends, for four months when he decided to quit to move west to be with me.  It was during the second of such visits that, as he turned to walk down the hallway of my house, I thought, “I am going to marry him”.   And, while it took the patience of Job for me to wait for him to propose, he did.

He is the unsung hero of our family.  During the celebration of our 7th anniversary, he toasted me by saying he would be lost without me.  But the truth is, I would be lost without him.  He is the quiet, steady, grounding force behind our marriage and our family.  He celebrates me and is my biggest cheerleader.  He gets me in the way that I need to be gotten.  We enjoy doing enough of the same things to always have a companion but like doing plenty of other things solo that we both get our own space.  We have had no challenges coming together to parent.  He loves our son and in demonstrating his love for him has only made me love him more.

A funny thing happened many years ago when I visited a bridal expo with a friend.  There was a psychic doing readings.  For $10, you sat down, said nothing, held a question in your mind and she “read” your aura and gave you an answer.  I was dating my husband and felt the tick-tocking of my biological clock so the question that I silently held was “will I ever have children?”  The psychic barely took a breath before saying, “You will but you must raise the one you are with, first.”.  It was profound and profoundly accurate.  I intrinsically understood what she meant and I went about the business of teaching him to be a good partner.

My husband, who had been in the first Gulf war, and stayed in the National Guard for another 5 years following, was living with his mother when he decided to pack up and move across country to follow his heart.  But, he was no where near prepared for the commitment and compromise of a serious relationship let alone marriage.  Hers was the sagest advice I received and I took it to heart, working diligently on schooling my soon-to-be-but-didn’t-know-it husband.  And, by that, I meant that I taught him how to be in relationship with me, what was expected in being a good mate, and what life would likely be like once we were living together (read: put the toilet seat down, call me if you are going to be late, be present (and not distracted) if we are doing something together, fight with me fairly, etc.).

I am very self-sufficient.  Had I not wanted to be a mother in a traditional family structure, I might have never married and would have been a single mother by choice.  In fact, I believed that I was headed in that direction.  The older I got, the more easily I believed I could go it alone even though that was not my preference.  I think back to our engagement and wedding as the happiest time in my life.  It was such a coming together and a true marriage preparation.

Throughout our struggle with infertility, and now our struggle to complete our family, my husband has signed on for the myriad ways I’ve believed we could create our family.  Even if I thought that he would have thrown in the towel by now and remained a family of three, he would never deny me or us this pursuit.  He knows how important it is for me and it is therefore important to him.  It is the purest form of unconditional love and support.  He is steadfast.

He is my partner in life, in love, in parenting.  I would indeed be lost without him.

“When a wife has a good husband it is easily seen in her face.”
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

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