Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"

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And just like that

It feels like the decision to adopt has been 44 years in the making. And for sure it has been on my mind the last three years as I lumbered my way through umpteen additional own egg IVF cycles and a donor cycle in the hopes of having a sibling and getting a pregnancy “do again” (I hesitate to use the term “do over” because as fraught with peril as my pregnancy was, I would not trade one day of it as it brought me to our son).

Even though I seemed so resolute in my prior posts, I’ll admit to not printing off the adoption agency retainer or new client info sheet when I said I was going to (truth be told, it was about 20 pages which meant I needed to add paper to our printer and that step tripped me up because I didn’t want to get the paper down nor did I want to clear off the printer so I could load it. Avoidance? Maybe.)

I got an email from my RE last Saturday that basically said (after what, seven weeks?) that he had no additional info on the proposed donated embryos but he hoped to have something to me this week. So it comes as no surprise to me that as I type this almost a week has gone by since that email with nary a word from him. Regardless, I guess I was holding out hope. Until.

Until I had this brief but path-revealing conversation with my husband. It happened around the time we submitted the offer on the house (which we didn’t get, but the way). I said something to him along the lines of, “Are you sure you think you’ll be able to love and bond with a child that isn’t even 1/2 genetically linked to us?” To which he replied, “Honey, I am 100% sure that I will love and bond with any child that you don’t have to be pregnant with*.”. And, just like that, it was settled. We were 100% committed to the domestic adoption route I’ve been laboring (hmmm, pun intended) over. I knew it would ultimately come down to having my husband’s abiding support. We had to be in this together, united as we have been for all the major decisions we’ve made in our decade together.

I did print the documents from the agency, I did fill them out, we did sign them, I did email with the agency to get several questions answered, I did write what I’m sure will be the first of many big checks to them, I did pop it all in the mail today, and I was assigned to and had my first conversation with our caseworker.

Oh yeah. You read that right. I had my introductory conversation with our caseworker (someone I’ve had the pleasure of meeting at both of the adoption seminars I attended in the past). She answered all my questions in a way that not only made me comfortable because of her answers but made me feel like she is someone that I will be able to work with.

Three things that came out of that conversation were that she is sending our introductory packet with a more detailed questionnaire to fill out along with some sample profiles; profiles have really evolved in the last year (because she attached one for me to preview); and she sent me links to some graphic designer referrals (can you say $600 for someone to put together our profile for us!). Further, to her knowledge, we will be the first prospective couple where both husband and wife are adopted. Moreover, both of us were adopted into families with at least one biological child, making us even more unique in that we have one of our own, too.

It just feels like a full circle moment; one of many I am sure. My earliest memories of my own adoption story were when I was four, in the bathroom with my mom, asking her something about why I looked the way I did and her explaining that she and my dad wanted me very much but were unable to have another baby and so a lovely woman gave me to them (or something along those lines) and that they loved me the moment they saw me. I think that notion, that my parents wanted me enough to go to great lengths to get me, has stuck with me all my life. And to meet, fall in love with, and marry a man who was also adopted makes it even more cosmically ordained that we would follow through with this dream that we used to discuss in an almost whimsical way as in, “Gosh, wouldn’t it be nice to possibly adopt in the future?”

I posted to a couple adoption groups that I’m a member of looking for recommendations for books. The author of Unveiling the Adoption Process responded to me and allowed me to buy an early release copy from her. And, I asked her to sign it which she graciously agreed to do. It arrived in the mail the other day (with a lovely cover and inscription) and I can’t wait to read it. If anyone has any other suggestions about domestic adoption related books (or blogs) please let me know.

And, just like that, we are 100% on our way.

*He was far more worried about me being pregnant, enduring a cerclage and the possibility of bed rest again, having another c-section, and what that would do to me, our son, and us, than I thought.

7 comments to And just like that

  • […] had a passing discussion about what to do. But during that silence, my husband was percolating. And just like that we were on our way toward […]

  • […] Even though both my husband and I are adopted, our adoptions were forty plus years ago and times were different then. The idea of an open adoption was foreign to us and, while, on some level we both cognitively understood why some degree of openness was preferential to the stark silence and lack of information of our closed adoptions, we had a hard time getting our minds and hearts around it. Nearing the end of that very long year of inertia, we began to talk about it once again and decided it was time to move forward with adoption. […]

  • […] Even though both my husband and I are adopted, our adoptions were forty plus years ago and times were different then.  The idea of an open adoption was foreign to us and, while, on some level we both cognitively understood why some degree of openness was preferential to the stark silence and lack of information of our closed adoptions, we had a hard time getting our minds and hearts around it.  Nearing the end of that very long year of inertia, we began to talk about it once again and decided it was time to move forward with adoption. […]

  • I am so happy to see you in a place where you have made a choice and are moving forward, without reservation.

    And I have goosebumps at how full circle it all seems.

    xoxo

  • Sue

    Yea to starting the journey. I can’t wait to watch it unfold and see your family expand.

  • Joannah

    I’m glad you have decided on your path to your second child! Very exciting. Five years ago, I began the adoption process with China. I know from experience that the paperwork is overwhelming, but you will get through it. :)

  • Good morning –

    Thanks so much for taking a little while to visit my blogs yesterday.

    Looks like you too are on quite a journey. So happy to hear that you have charted your course for adoption. Feels good to be on one path doesn’t it? Will send all kinds of good energy your way that it happens quickly and smoothly and I look forward to reading more about your adoption adventures. Sounds like you and your husband make for very uniquely qualified adoptive parents.

    Again, thanks for making a visit my way.

    Best and peace.

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