Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"



Free your Mind

I am hoping for continued positive beta progression tomorrow when I go in for beta #3.  I cannot formulate the words to express how badly and deeply I want this pregnancy to develop.  For the first time in almost 5 years, I am currently relieved of the burden of planning, considering, discussing, conjuring, negotiating, or being consumed by how or if #2 might come to us.  Do not get me wrong, I am still consumed by thoughts about the continuation of this pregnancy, but, I maybe spend 25% of my waking moments thinking about that vs. 75% of my mind time thinking about the former.

It didn’t actually dawn on me until today, that for the last 8 days I have been given a reprieve from all the worry associated with trying to find a path to the child we were meant to have.  I am lighter, both in mood and attitude.  It in no way negates the concern I have as I navigate the early days and weeks of this pregnancy, but my mind has been freed from the other stress.  Not only am I not consumed, but even though I am stressed about this fledgling pregnancy, my modest hopefulness tempers the worry somewhat.

I knew I was consumed with the pursuit of #2, but I in no way understood the full extent of its insidiousness.  In being mindful during this time now, it only adds to how grateful I feel for this chance.  I am more present and conscious in the life that I do have, with my husband and my son, and for that gift alone, I am profoundly thankful.

“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.
~Oprah Winfrey

8 comments to Free your Mind

  • So glad you have another beta tomorrow! Will be thinking of you lots.

    • igen és csak ez a jelentÅ‘sebb v(szemmel látható változás) a képek alapján.Szóval az oroszokat nem zavarja a kilátszó hajtómű ami két dologra enged kÃeejtkeztvtni:1,Rá¶uk nem vonatkozik a fizika törvénye azon belül is a radarhullámok terjedése(valljuk be ez a kevésbé valószínű)2,Nem látszik a hajtómű.Tetszik / Egyetértek: 0 Az értékeléshez be kell

    • BTW, I fully supported drug court which gives drug addicts time in rehab instead of jail. There was a big push for this in San Francisco a few years ago when I worked at UCSF.Taxes are the problem because my tax money and yours goes to support many people who are complacent and are just living as they can. Nobody has put their asses to the fire so they just take money from the dole. That is wrong.

    • Anthony -Hope this was an awesome event for STP. I am proud to be a “poster child” for STPAnd wish to thank you and STP for all of your support to Vets like me.email me at your convenience & let’s catch up!David

    • I adorar your flamingo poncho and sexy kegs amor.Picnic basket is huge, i prefer your version, thats too bloody carero (expensive)I am loving your angelic picnic foto, bet you had some hidden wine in there.

  • Anna

    It’s so good to hear that you are experiencing something new and feeling lighter, it sounds very positive and a difficult thing to achieve. I find IF issues pretty consuming and we’re not even trying right now. Sending lots of good wishes your way and keeping everything crossed,x

  • Tireegal

    Good luck tomorrow and yay for some mindfulness!

  • I know exactly what you mean, and our journey to #2 was nowhere near as long as yours. It is so all-consuming … Wishing you the best of news tomorrow!

Leave a Reply




You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>