Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"

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39 Hours

In 39 hours we’ll know more about what is going on in utero.  This week has been easier than others mostly because I feel pregnant, so my bad thoughts are not on endless loop.  I am also trying, and mostly succeeding, at staying in the moment, knowing that there is nothing I can do to think this into a different reality.

My concern is planted firmly in whether there is more than one, but I remain hopeful that there’s not.  Again, I’ll deal with facts when they are presented to me.  There is no need to fret.  We have a plan, regardless of whether I want to execute it.

It is interesting to be more nervous about multiples than about a viable pregnancy (as I was with my first (and every subsequent) ultrasound with my son).  I am not panicked and that is a good thing.  Yes, it is highly likely I won’t be the first person to look at the ultrasound screen on Friday, but I believe it will be OK; I and we will be OK.

Mel from Stirrup-Queens left a comment to my last post and expounded upon the sentiment in this entry today (and I am so touched by her care). She is right, you know. So, so right. In particular:

“Life is hard; but you will get through it. And I know this because you’ve gotten to this point,
which means that you have gotten through so many other moments you didn’t think you could get through.”

I am still incredibly grateful to have been given this opportunity and I do have tools and resources to draw upon.  I know that I cannot affect the outcome more than by just being a responsible pregnant woman.  There have been plenty of other struggles in my life that have prepared me to be in the position I am in.  I have trust in myself and my care providers.  I will continue to take things as they come and will not stress in between.  I’ve read a lot about epigenitics and my body’s role in carrying this pregnancy.  The calmer physical and emotional environment I can create, the better.

39 hours?  As my son would say, “I can wait 39 hours.”

“Fear knocked at the door.  Faith answered.  And lo, no one was there.”
~Author Unknown

4 comments to 39 Hours

  • Anna

    Sounds like you’re doing really well, you are indeed strong and resourceful and you are doing so well. I am hoping for you all day today,x

  • Tireegal

    That was so lovely to read SQ’s comment and her whole post, wasn’t it!!
    I love your attitude. And your pregnant calmness. Or your calm pregnant ness!
    Holding you in my best and highest hopes! Okay, now what time should I be thinking of you and your little embie the most? Help me out with the numbers please:)

  • Thinking of you in the lead up to your scan… love always xoxo

  • Yes, the magic of epigenomes! We do have so much influence over these little bundles of cells, even when we didn’t originate them. I found that to be both comforting and scary : ) Here’s to a peaceful 39 hours!

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