Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"

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U/S #5, 9w6d

I just had what will likely be my final appointment with my RE as it is time to graduate fully to the care of my OB. All is well with baby, measuring 10w2d, with a heart rate of 182bpm, and is 3.34cm. We clearly saw head, body, arms, legs, and hands (feet were harder to discern at this point). At first, baby appeared to be asleep but at one point began bicycling it’s legs which was so cute to see.

If my hormone levels look good, I’ll stop meds today which is both a relief and a bit unnerving.

My clinic gives a little gift at one’s last appointment which is a hat, onesie, and baby spoon all stamped with the clinic’s name followed by “♥’s me”.  The package is very cute and made me teary to think that in 6 months we could have a baby donning the outfit.

What was concerning, though, was that my cervix is already shortening. It could have just been the angle or the position of my body, but the best measurement he could get was 3.84cm when it should be 5cm+.  This was alarming to me because my memory seemed to indicate my cervix was much longer much later in my pregnancy with my son.  I called my former OB’s office and had the nurse pull my chart.  Sure enough, during my first appointment at 13w5d, my cervix measured 4.98cm.  By 15w6d it was 4.44cm (still good) but in a mere SIX days, at 16w5d it was 2.97cm (and all hell broke loose).

There is not a lot to be done about it at this point.  As it is, I have my first perinatology appointment on Friday which is a cerclage consult.  The absolute earliest a preventative cerclage should be placed is 13w (when the cervix is at its strongest) but even my OB confirmed that they prefer to wait until 15w to further insure that the placement of the cerclage does not cause miscarriage.  I am hoping that during Friday’s appointment, the peri will get a better measurement, but to say that I am now on edge would be an understatement. (Since writing this post, I heard back from my new OB who said, “the cervix is a dynamic structure and the measurement on Friday could be better”.  So, there’s that bit of reassurance).

I was also asked by my RE to be part of a video series he is putting together for his website.  I’m going to contact the producer and take it from there.  It’s always nice to be asked and we’ll see what angle they are taking.

I went into today’s visit feeling a range of emotions.  First, there is still a degree of disbelief that this is happening and that we could have a successful outcome.  Then, there is the palpable gratitude I feel for my RE and the clinic staff,  who came out to wish me well, give me a hug and share joyous tears.  I have been with my RE and clinic for 8 years.  I considered switching clinics a number of times but the thought of starting over (even with a clinic with better stats) and losing the continuity of care and personal investment by my RE was completely unappealing to me.  And, here we are, quite possible owing the creation and completion of our family to this one doctor (well, plus my OB who kept me pregnant with my son).  It is a debt that cannot be repaid.

I dare say that only those who have struggled to start or complete their families through ART can understand what it is like to credit another person with helping fulfill your dreams.  It truly is a miracle of modern medicine but one whose outcome is deeply personal and emotional.  I imagine it is akin to how one might feel toward a doctor who saved their life.  The abiding gratitude is both out of body and at the body’s core, if that makes sense.

So, here I sit crying with gratitude and worry all at once.  If there is the possibility of a successful outcome, you can be sure that I will do everything within my power to get us there.  There is a weightiness that comes with that, a great responsibility to advocate for my care and to sacrifice my life style if that is what is required to keep this pregnancy going.  I know I can do it and all I can do it pray that my body cooperates.  Prayers and good thoughts are always welcome.

“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.”
~Emily Dickinson

8 comments to U/S #5, 9w6d

  • Thinking of you and your bub… hoping your cervix stays long and that the weeks race by without any concerns. Love the gift you get and such a huge milestone to move on to your OB :) Love always xoxo

  • Yes, a lovely post indeed. Wishing you all sorts of peace, rest, hydration and calm!

  • Mel

    Gorgeous post (well, all of it except the cervix — hopefully that will be a better number at your next appt). It’s bittersweet to leave the RE. No one wants to be there, but the enormity of leaving is emotional too.

  • The cervix issue and history must be intensely terrifying. I am glad you have an appointment coming up pretty soon to examine this in more depth, and hope you get some news that makes this time a little easier. I did love the doctor’s description of the ‘dynamic’ cervix. Nice band name: the Dynamic Cervixes?

    Your clinic blows me away — so impressive how they put their hearts into their work with the patients. My clinic is big and has great stats, but I don’t ever experience those nice personal touches from the people who work there, or get a feeling that the clinic appreciates me at all as a client (hell, their waiting room will always be bursting at the seams every morning at 8am, and they know it and act like it). I can imagine having your emotional/human self respected through this process by the folks doing all this stuff to you would make such a difference.

    Anyway, wishing you all the best! You have come so dang far already — it truly is wonderful.

  • Sarah

    I’m just glad you aren’t trying to balance work and your cervical fears!
    I feel such a bond to our RE, and our nurse!

  • A good friend of mine has IC as well, with all three of her pregnancies (the first ended badly, but she has two healthy happy kids to show for it). In all of them, the cervix has lenghtened and shortened over multiple measurements, even with every other day scans; her doctor told her that it had to do with angles and hormone levels and where the baby was relative to the cervix.

    She basically decided that as long as her cervix stayed within the 3+ cm range, she had nothing to worry about. Dipped a couple of times into 2, but stayed relatively constant at 3 during all of her pregnancies.

    She also did p17 injections because there is some evidence that it helps avoid preterm labor – I can’t tell you definitively that it’s related to IC versus preterm labor, but she had a cerclage placed and was on p17 and then on bedrest with her pregnancies.

    Might be something worth talking to your peri on Friday. At the very least, I hope the appointment will ease your mind a bit.

    xoxo

  • Anna

    Hooray for the possibility and the baby doing so well. It’s understandable that you’re on edge though and I am sending every positive thought that you will get a better measurement on Friday.x

  • I hope and pray that your body cooperates too. Waiting for the other shoe to drop is awful. I wish I had something meaningful to say. Thinking of you.

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