I didn’t want to leave you hanging re: my meeting with K. We met for breakfast at a local restaurant. I hadn’t seen her in several weeks and our last social engagement was the mom’s night out in early June. I wasn’t sure how our exchange was going to go or when in the conversation I would share my news. As it turned out, I had my opening almost immediately so I took it. I showed her the shingles on my neck (she gets them, too) and she commented how awful it was to which I replied, “made only worse by the fact that I am pregnant.” I know, subtle right? She was quite overcome by genuine happiness for me and said she wondered if my lack of availability had anything to do with cycling, etc. I explained that before embarking on what would be our last cycle and after the failure of the first, my husband and I decided not to tell anyone we were cycling. I recounted how the cycle went, she asked plenty of questions (she has two DE children and is a former nurse so she is well informed) and conversation flowed easily. There was no tension surrounding not telling her sooner. She was enthusiastic and I was relieved to have the monkey off my back.
She shared the details of her husband’s termination from his employer of 17 years and his quest to find another job, as well as the details surrounding her new love* interest. I believed her when she said that she had decided she wanted to end her marriage, that she couldn’t get over her husband’s 2nd known infidelity, before this other man arrived on the scene. She has since communicated to her husband her desire to end their marriage, he has secured a new job, and I suppose their divorce will play out over the next few months. She is going to return to work so that she feels autonomous and not reliant on her future ex-husband financially. She was very circumspect that if they had to sell their new house, then that’s just what they’d have to do. It all just made and makes me very sad for her children.
Since our get together, I’ve not seen or spoken to her but we have exchanged texts. I think that the amount of time we went without communication allowed the friendship to dissolve into a more friendly acquaintanceship. I use the mantra “friendly without being friends” as I navigate this new chapter with her. It also keeps me in check because I do have a tendency to be helpful and resourceful and engaging and I need to not be so much so as to not send mixed messages.
We shall see how things develop when the new school year starts especially if her daughter and my son are in the same class. I feel a lot of compassion for her as divorce is not easy, I don’t care who you are (TomKat notwithstanding).
*He is a tradesman and we need some work done at our house so she referred me to him. He wasn’t aware that I knew of their affair, just that I am a friend of hers. As I imagined, he’s quite opposite her husband physically. He had long hair (that was under a baseball cap so I’m not sure if there was a mullet going on or what), tattoo sleeves up both arms, at least one pierced ear, and he was tan and well built. He’s from the same country she is, so they share that love of country bond, too. It felt quite TMZ for him to be at my house, knowing what I do.
“People enter and exit your life, and sometimes exits are for the best.
Do not think of ending friendship as a failure.”