Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"

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Unchanged, 17w0d

I was in a good head space going into my appointment this morning, knowing that, no matter what, I was under good care and there would be plan, should a plan be necessary.  Dr. F came in and in the most compassionate way asked me how I was holding up.  It is so reassuring to know that she understands what a tenuous time this is for me and what a milestone yesterday was.  She has a warm confidence about her that is very ease-putting.

I explained how rough Sunday was, that Monday was better but that yesterday was also rough. I described the sensations I’d been having, all of which she thought sounded completely normal but she understood why I might have trouble interpreting them that way.  She put her hand gently on my arm as if to say, “it’s ok, you’re doing great”.

She expected the ultrasound to be routine but understood why I might be apprehensive.  It wasn’t that I was nervous, really, I was very interested to see what there was to see.  And, just like that, there was my cervix, long and closed, measuring exactly as it has for the last 3 weeks in a row.  She did the pressure test, and while baby boy reacted, my cervix didn’t budge.  It was remarkable for me to see it that way, my cervix that has been so heavily scrutinized.  Nothing that I’d been feeling was connected to my cervix and that was a huge relief as now I can try to not be so on edge (this will be a work in progress, believe me).

Baby boy put on quite a show.  His hand was on my cervix, sometimes he was waving, while other times he appeared to be giving us the thumbs up.  So many structures are so clearly visible in a transvaginal ultrasound.  We looked closely at his brain, his brain stem, his spine.  It was just such a beautiful, heartwarming sight.

My placenta seems to be cooperating, too.  It is now 2.42cm away from the internal OS, which puts me out of previa.  One less thing to worry about for the moment.

She also told me to keep living my life, that the daily physical movements were not going to affect the performance of my cervix one bit.  She encouraged me to exercise and I think I am going to.  She thought my mind-set of acknowledging but not giving into the fear was the right one.  It made me feel and think that maybe I can do this.

I did Part II of the NT blood work (which is done between 15 -18 wks), I scheduled the Level II genetic ultrasound for next week, and I was on my way.

As of this Monday, my son will be home with me until school starts (kindergarten!) on 9/6.  I need to coordinate care for him during my weekly appointments (which tend to go about 2 hours total including commute time, sometimes longer).  The sitter across the street has a day job, our other college age sitter went home for summer break and doesn’t return until the very end of August, and I really don’t have any stay at home mom friends (well, there’s K but she’s going home for the month of August, and, besides, I am done, done, done with any pretense of a friendship with her).  I really need to spend some time over the next few days trying to identify and interview a couple other occasional sitters.

For now, I am in unchartered waters.  I am living a vertical life, out in my world, at 17w.  It is so hard to fathom, to wrap my brain around.  I have no experience in being a ‘normal’ pregnant woman.

“May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength
to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism.”
~Unknown

5 comments to Unchanged, 17w0d

  • One day at a time! Wishing you luck in finding a sitter.

    An ICLW Visit from #63
    liddy @ the unfair struggle (mfi, speedskating, 1st 2ww)

  • Meg

    What wonderful news! Not only can you do it, you ARE doing it. One day at a time. I am really impressed by how you are taking things as they come. Good Luck with the babysitter!

  • Great news! I am very happy for you. And having a good and compassionate doctor makes a world of difference.
    I know very well what a hassle it is to find an occasional sitter. I resorted to having my husband take time off from work to stay with George, I scheduled the appointments late in the afternoon, so that he only had to take an hour or two off work. Sure, vacation time is less now, but, as the title says, it is what it is. :-) good luck finding a great sitter.

  • Anna

    That’s great, what a profound realisation! I am so pleased about your appointment and your marvellous Dr F, oh that all Drs were so empathatic and reassuring. Good luck with finding a babysitter and I hope that the normal-ness of your situation sinks in and helps you to be at ease,x

  • You’re doing so great! I know the fear can be rough, but 17 weeks already! Yay!!

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