Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"



Stable. MFM Appt, 29w6d (Updated w fFN Result)

I can’t adequately convey how sick I’ve been since Friday.  I finally had enough energy to take a shower today, but yesterday, a quick trip to the post office put me back in bed with shortness of breath.

On Saturday, things went down hill as the day wore on and by Sunday my husband commented how ill I looked, positively ashen.  I had no strength, no voice, shortness of breath and couldn’t get out of bed.  I have never felt that way before.  I didn’t feel sick, per se, but completely un-like myself and non-functional.

Today was my follow-up appointment and all my MFM could say was that she had never seen nor heard of a reaction like that.  Of all the medications people take and all the reactions they have, they generally don’t have a reaction to steroids and, if they do, not one like the one I had.  We agreed that there would be no more steroid injections in my future.

We started by doing the fetal growth scan.  Baby is consistently measuring 1 week+ ahead, with almost every measurement putting him at 31w3d.  Amniotic fluid looked good as did placenta.  He is still breech, butt at my cervix and legs up by his head.  That position explains why he feels so tight in there.  He weighs 3#15oz, which is really such a relief.

We did the fFN test and I should have the result* this afternoon.  Even if it is positive, not a lot can be gleaned other than it puts me at risk for preterm labor and possible delivery prior to 37 weeks.

My cervix looks exactly the same as it did last week…the funnel is the same, the length is the same, 1.2cm.  It responded the same way to having fundal pressure applied.

I am laying low and trying to regain my strength.  I’ve done more today than I have since Thursday.  I feel like I turned a corner with whatever the reaction was so now I just need to build my strength up.

Emotionally, this entire experience beginning with the cervical shortening at 24 weeks, the funneling, the continued shortening, the positive fFN, the decision to go forward with steroids, my physical reaction to that, put me in a dark place.  I just couldn’t see our way to a positive outcome.  It had a lot to do with the uncertainty of what might or could happen and my fear surrounding the uncertainty and my own ability to know what to do if something did happen.  Today’s growth scan coupled with me starting to feel better and more like myself, have gone a long way toward me feeling more optimistic.  This baby and I are going to get through this, one day, one week at a time until it is time for him to join us on the outside.

I’ve done and am doing everything recommended to me to stay pregnant.  The complex and complicated dance between baby and placenta and cervix and hormones that cause labor are barely understood by professionals so how can I possibly expect to have any control over what happens.  For now, I have to live my life, be a mother to my son and a wife to my husband and find a way to be productive in spite of my fear.  I will continue to take it easy but I have to let go of the fear.  Remanding myself to bed and fearing that any movement may be the movement that causes my water to break or whatever is irrational and unhealthy.  It’s not good for my body or my mind.  I will be prudent, but I have to live.

At the outset of starting this blog almost 3 years ago, I could not have predicted what a lifeline it would become.  Having this place to write, being able to share my story, my hopes and my fears, and now living day to day being pregnant at 46 with a short cervix and feeling the connection to those who read and/or comment allows me to believe that I will be OK.  There is a consciousness bigger than myself which shoulders me at the very times I cannot hold myself up.  I am deeply and profoundly grateful.

*fFN is NEGATIVE!  Well, well, well, seems we do know a thing or two!

“The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.”
~Abraham Lincoln

20 comments to Stable. MFM Appt, 29w6d (Updated w fFN Result)

  • Rebecca

    Just popped in to check on you. Glad you are feeling better. Looking forward to the next update!

  • You have been nominated for the Liebster Award. To learn about the rules for this award, please go to http://thoughtprovokingmoments.wordpress.com/. Congrats!

  • What a relief – best news I have heard all day. I too can’t take steroids at all. I feel for you. You are almost to the finish line !!!!

  • Stopping by from ICLW. Wishing you all the best for the rest of this pregnancy!

  • Mel

    Such a weird reaction, but I’m glad it’s passing. Sending peace of heart (and a message to the baby to STAY PUT) as you wait out this last leg of the journey.

  • Sarah

    3.15 is huge! If he’s born at 4 lbs and can gain weight and maintain his temp, he could be home almost as soon as you would be after a csection! Hang in there! You are rocking this!((((((((hugs, and fist pumps!))))))))

  • I’m here from ICLW for the first time. I just had my baby at 25 weeks and went through a lot of what it seems that you are. I understand how frustrating and scary it all is – and much of it you have absolutely no control over.

    I wish you the best of luck staying pregnant for a very long time!

  • Sending positive thoughts your way.

    An ICLW Visit from #2
    liddy @ the unfair struggle (mfi, speedskating, life)

  • Here’s hoping little one stays put a few more weeks, good news about the fFN!

  • So glad to hear the second fFN was negative (curses for false positives and the unrelenting stress they induce)! … And that you are feeling better … what I nasty (!) reaction. The toll that takes is also enormous. You really are a trooper considering the huge waves being thrown at you. Keep on. Thinking of you.

  • Jen

    Hey there. I’ve been thinking about you a lot, glad you have a bit more energy, that is crazy the reaction you had to the steroids, must have been scary and exhausting. Yes, you do “have to live” so I hope you are easing back into things as you feel comfortable. 30 weeks, you and your little baby are getting there day by day my friend.

  • Glad to hear everything is okay! 30 weeks is a great accomplishment, I hope the next 10 weeks go very smoothly for you.

  • Oh my! I’m so glad you’re starting to feel better, but what an ordeal! Sending positive thoughts your way!

    Happy ICLW!

  • Anna

    I read the word ‘stable’ in the post title and was so happy for you, I know that you’re on a knife edge but being stable, your result, feeling like you’ve turned a corner since the injections and being 30 weeks are really good things. I am certain that you will be ok. Keep inching your way through this,x

  • Meg

    Wonderful news about your growing son! Your courage is remarkable. One day, one week atatie indeed! Sending peaceful thoughts your way.

  • Hooray for the negative fFN!! I’ve said it before, but I believe in this pregnancy, tough as it is. Hang in there!

  • Hi from ICLW, sorry to hear about your illness, but hope you get better every day!

  • Tireegal

    It’s so good to hear that the collective “we” are of comfort and support to you in this grueling marathon! With all our good wishes and hopes encircling you there has to be a huge amount of good energy coming your way!!
    So glad you are feeling a bit more like yourself and more optimistic. The baby’s growth sounds really good and the fFn result is amazing! You are a smart one, but we know that!!! Did I tell you that you are my hero being pregnant at 46?! I really hope to follow in your footsteps at 45.
    I hope you are able to enjoy the next few weeks as you prepare for meeting your son and I hope you get some respite from all the scary stuff!

  • Peg

    Hang in there! You are doing all that you can do. I’m so sorry you had such a tough weekend but am glad you’re feeling better.

    All the best!!!

  • I’ve been wondering about you and hoping you were okay. I’m so sorry to hear how sick you were. No wonder why you were in an awful dark place. Hugs.

    And so happy, relieved, to hear that your baby boy is still thriving and all remains relatively stable. Fingers crossed. Get through every moment, every hour, every day as best as you can.

    Lots of love to you.


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