First, to anyone who is reading that is in the path of hurricane Sandy, know that my best thoughts are with you and your families. My husband’s family is in southern New Jersey (including my 82 year old MIL, and my SIL/BIL and nephew) and one of my oldest and dearest friends is in Philadelphia). Scary stuff, this super storm and all the elements converging that could make it a horrific catastrophe. Be safe.
Good thing Kaiser calls well in advance to confirm all appointments as I thought my next appointment was tomorrow but it turned out it was today. Bottom line, cervix remains short but stable but I have been cautioned that this is not likely to continue. As things progress, my cervix will likely continue to shorten and may even dilate. That doesn’t necessarily mean early delivery, in and of itself, as unless I am having consistent contractions or my water breaks, this pregnancy could continue uninterrupted.
Baby boy is still breech, butt down with feet up and over his head. It is a VERY uncomfortable position for me as it feels VERY tight and if he moves or kicks it sometimes startles me with how it feels.
I went about 4 weeks without gaining weight (and, the week of my steroid shots, actually lost weight) but made up for that with a 2 lb gain this week.
I will see my OB this Friday (which is good because my baby shower is Saturday and being able to see that my cervix is, hopefully, stable, will allow me to enjoy myself. On that note, both my sister (who I have not seen in well over a year) and my mother (who I haven’t seen or spoken to in almost a year) will be attending. Friends in real life have asked me how that will be, how I will react to seeing them, and I’ve responded that it is incidental. I will be cordial. I suspect it will be more awkward for them, but that, too, is incidental. I just can’t spend mental energy preparing for the ‘what ifs’. This event is all about celebrating the great gift of this little boy and is not about them or any agenda they may have. I am done, done, done, considering them before myself. We’ll see how it goes.
I will see my MFM next week, at 32 weeks, then am going to try to resume a ‘regular’ schedule of seeing her every two weeks, at 34 and 36 weeks, then we’ll resume weekly visits until delivery. It is impossible to know whether I will make it that far and she reminded me that, if necessary, we still could do another round of steroids before 34 weeks but that we wouldn’t unless delivery was imminent. We’ll do one more fFN test and that will be it. NSTs will start at 36 weeks unless there is an indication to start them prior.
I was so sick all week with a head/chest cold. I thought I was feeling better on Friday, when we decided to treat ourselves to a family staycation at a local 5 start resort to celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary. It was 92 degrees here, so in addition to having lovely (and upgraded!) accommodations, my son was able to go night swimming after dinner Friday night and we were out at the pool by 9:30 on Saturday morning. We enjoyed in room dining and I had the most scrumptious cherry scones with vanilla bean whipped cream and mixed berry compote for breakfast. So, even though I was still sick and my husband was coming down with a case of gout, we had an awesome time. I will remember it fondly as one of the last getaways we had as a family of three.
After check-out, we decided to go to a baby furniture store (where we purchased my son’s crib and changing table/dresser) to order a recliner. We sold the one we got for our son’s nursery when we moved but knew we wanted one from the same line. The company is Little Castle and I can’t recommend their products more highly. A recliner (that reclines to flat) is a MUST for any nursery or home with an infant. We used the chair in my son’s room for overnight breast feeding, late night wakings, and to sooth our son when he was sick (he would sleep on one of us and that chair was instrumental until he was 4). I can’t count the number of times my husband or I slept overnight on that chair. It was, hands down, THE most comfortable chair we’d even been in. It was such a godsend when we needed to be with our son in his room in the wee hours.
I am finally beginning to feel better today, albeit am very congested and have a deep cough. Regardless, I’ve turned a corner and hope to continue to feel better as the week progresses.
Emotionally, and while not wanting to tempt fate, I have turned a corner, too. I’m not sure if it is just that I am almost 31 weeks or that I have some new found faith in the universe, but I have made peace with whatever will be, will be. For all my need to control and be able to predict the outcome, I know that I simply can not. I am so profoundly grateful to have been given this gift at all and to have made it this far, that my role is to let things play out as they will. Thirty-two weeks is my next goal.
“I release and I let go,
I let the Spirit run my life.
And my heart is open wide,
Yes, I’m only here for God.“*
~Michael Beckwith & Rickie Byars
*While I am not a religious person, I am spiritual and do feel a connection to the Universe. This is one of my favorite spirituals from when I used to attend Agape International Spiritual Center.