The fog of the early days and weeks of new parenthood, or, perhaps new parenthood again is more accurate, are beginning to lift. Do you know that I do not even recall the first two weeks at home? I look at pictures of baby boy and he does not resemble the chubba wubba we have now at 4w2d.
For anyone, the cumulative effect of sleep deprivation is problematic. It affects so many (do you know, I’ve sat here for minutes trying to think of the next word I intend to type, which, is on the tip of my tongue and has finally come to me?) facets of ones life, but ones mental acuity takes the hardest hit. And, in that category is short term memory which, in large part, goes out the window. Also, spelling, grammar, and word choice are iffy.
We have finally gotten into a groove in that my expectations have been reset and are largely managed daily by the repetitious monotony (hmm, oxymoron?) of caring for a newborn. My husband and I have the overnight schedule worked out and both of us are getting some sleep, even if it is in 2 hour increments. Last night, I decided to skip a pumping session so, even though I woke for it, I went right back to sleep. That meant I slept the longest block, 5 hours, since baby boy arrived. I am a renewed person today (I even got my sh*t together early enough to also touch up my roots before my husband left for work).
This baby is r.a.v.e.n.o.u.s when he wakes up. First son would sort of slowly wake and would be in good enough spirits that I could thaw breast milk and get us ready for a feeding. This baby MUST HAVE FOOD NOW as soon as he wakes. I’ve learned to prepare bottles ahead of time for the overnight feedings so that they can be quickly warmed with minimal banshee cries. We’ve managed to keep to 4 oz, 7-8 times/day, and I am trying just to go with it. But, I have to say, in the wee hours, when he is grunting in his sleep and then waking up starving, I still wonder if there’s not something going on. I’m not sure what I think it could be, but my pink mommy flag of instinct is flying. We don’t see his pediatrician again until early March, but I won’t hesitate to take him if anything deviates from the path we’re now on.
I am almost exclusively pumping with maybe one feeding at the breast a day, as I did with first son, and it is a rigorous schedule because I have to squeeze pumping in between feedings and that has to be timed to when he is asleep but long enough in between sessions that I get maximum output. A mother’s body is a glorious thing in how in produces milk for its young. It is humbling, really.
We’ve also reached homeostasis with our older son. We’ve made a concerted attempt to just let him be, within reason, and try to minimize the yelling or barking at him. I also arranged some outings for him this week (his school was closed for 3 days) which has also helped everyone’s mood and assuaged my guilt. I even hosted a play date with one of his friends. It feels good to return to some semblance of normalcy.
I’ve managed to get out with baby and run some errands which also makes me feel like I’ve rejoined the human race. Given how severe this cold/flu season has been, I’m cautious about where I go. It is raining here, but not too chilly, and we’ve done fine so far.
A friend organized a meal train for us so we’ve been having meals delivered by friends although that is waning now. I think we have 3 more meals coming over the next 2 weeks, so I’ve returned to cooking. I saw Michael Symon make this dish on The Chew so I decided to make it (we love mac n cheese here and I always make it from scratch). Baby boy did not cooperate and stay sleeping so I had to make it one handed with him in my arms. I subbed 1% milk for the whole milk and 2% sharp cheddar cheese for the Guyere, and it came out great. Will definitely make it again. I shared it with a friend and she said it is her new favorite mac n cheese.
I have two friends visiting tomorrow morning, one that I haven’t seen in well over a year and the other has an infant, too, her second, who is 3 months old. It will be so nice to visit here, in the comforts of our home, with women whose company I look forward to. No putting on of airs, no trying to be super mom. Just catching up and relating. It will be good for my soul.
The comments you have left for me over the last few posts have been my refuge and I’ve returned to many of them over and over if only to remind myself that I do have support, sometimes in the form of women I’ve never met, and it bolsters me when I wonder if I can hold myself up. Thank you. Really.
“Hard is trying to rebuild yourself, piece by piece, with no instruction book,
and no clue as to where all the important bits are supposed to go.”
~Nick Hornby
Oh, I am so glad to read this post! You are finding your way out of the sleep deprived first weeks. Hugs to all!
Meg
My dear, I just realized I haven’t commented since the end of December. I’m sorry! I couldn’t believe it because I love reading your posts and I’m always sending you good vibes. But I have been lax.
So here’s a wee comment to let you know I’m still rooting for you. And ok so glad to know that the fog is lifting and you are feeling more human and more able to have some kind of workable routine.
I’m glad you are getting some sleep and that hubby is doing night feedings too. Tthe bottle really helps in having the other partner get involved in feedings. I’m just curious about your feeding routine and the reason that you are almost exclusively pumping. There’s no judgement I’m just curious. I don’t know what to say about the amount if milk baby is getting. Sounds like its easy to count his feeds because of the bottles and you can compare his feeds to your older son’s.
I say if you feel a red flag coming up, don’t wait to go to see the pediatrician. Or maybe a lactation consultant could shed some light on it.
I know with Isobel I felt as if I sat on the couch feeding her for days on end. Abd months actually. When she cried it was very often hunger and I didn’t know anything else to do but give her milk. I never tried to limit her feeding but I had no clue how much milk she was getting either. The hardest part was the witching hours of about 5-8 pm. She cried a lot then and had to be bounced a lot to deal with crabbiness and gas.
It’s good that you are able to give your older son a bit of freedom and space, as well as arranging fun outings and activities for him. Are you all able to eat together at night? That’s a nice bonding time for everyone.
Anyway, so happy to hear that the light is daylight at the end of the tunnel and you’re feeling better.
Big hugs!
When my boys were in the NICU, the Fab LC said that studies showed that women who got at least one 4-5 hour stretch of sleep overnight had higher milk volume than those who pumped every two hours. My sched was to sleep from 11-4, pump, sleep until 7, pump, and then back on every 3 hours. It really really made a huge difference. If you can schedule it in nightly. You may need some extra containers and perhaps a bit of massaging to get the milk to let down after all that storage, but it will be worth it also, the longer the milk sits in the ducts, the higher the fat content–that’s why under nursing/pumping leads to fatty deposits/blocks. But let me tell you, when you see that 4am milk settle out, you will be impressed! There might be something wrong–can’t imagine anything exotic, but he could also just be very sensitive to his signals, and not too well regulated. I’ll bet if you were to
Look at a chess and Thomas temperament chart you’d see that as one of the early indicators of one of the styles. You are surfacing!
I’m so glad the fog is lifting and you’re settling into a routine. Those first weeks are killer due to the sleep deprivation.
The Curse of the flying time, it makes everything better and worse at the same erm… time.
it gets easier managing the house chores, the schedules, the individual needs. It gets harder when you realise your children are growing up and need you less and less. It is gradual, so we adapt easier, but it is also irreversable. Ain’t I the sunshine spreader today, huh??, 
We’re always here for you.
Glad to hear you feel better and more used to the new schedule. Friends also help, eh?
I’m glad to hear the fog is starting to lift! I hope you can start working on the sleep deprivation thing soon so it’s even easier to cope with the new routine.
Hello from ICLW- happy to have stumbled upon your blog! I am enjoying my sleep, but I hope one day I get to experience the lack of due to a precious bundle of joy!
ICLW #55. Oh, you are reminding me how brutal those first few weeks are! I had a tough time adding #2 to the mix, and I yelled at #1 way more than I wanted to. It’s just so tough navigating the your own sleep deprivation and the new baby’s demands and the emotional needs of the older one. But I promise, it WILL get better!
I didn’t find the sleep deprivation as difficult with my 5 month old. I think it’s because I never recovered from the 2.5 year old and my body has gotten used to a permanent state of fuzzy exhaustion. Someday I’ll sleep again…and so will you.
Visiting from ICLW.
I can feel the start of your relief coming through in your words. Yay! I’m really glad to have this insight into having a newborn.
I am so pleased to read this, you are doing so well! Even if you hit another growth spurt in the near future, to have accomplished all this is so promising. It sounds as if that visit is very well-timed and should be really uplifting. It sounds like you’re getting so much done and actually cooking from scratch and finding time for your hair, it’s wonderful to be managing these things so soon.x