I have gotten regular blocks of sleep since this weekend and, while it is only Tuesday, I am feeling much, much better, emotionally, physically, and psychologically. I simply cannot go without some regular sleep. It renders me practically delirious.
My husband and I still need to have a real follow-up conversation, but things have settled into a new normal, with him chipping in consistently (when he is home) and without me asking. And, before he does anything (give our older son a bath, perform work from home on his computer, leave for the day, go to bed at night) he asks if I need anything.
Also, I’ve taken a bit of a different approach with baby boy, being more attentive to his cues and signs and otherwise being with him more, which, in addition to making things run more smoothly (feedings, naps, overnight sleep), is good bonding for the two of us.
When I kiss baby on the mouth, especially if his mouth is open, he smiles the CUTEST smile. It melts me every time. As we approach 7 weeks (tomorrow), he is more alert (he has at least an hour of awake time after every day time feeding) and interactive. In addition to smiling and cooing (OMG, such a sweet sound!), he is trying to roll over, holding his head up fairly well, and beginning to grab for things. He is very alert when he is awake, follows everything with his big, bright blue eyes, turns his head in the direction of sounds, etc.
I am trying not to think too far ahead and just take things in hourly, daily increments (heeding the very good advice of my friend, B, who I know sporadically reads this blog and who I thank immensely). The weather here, which has been frigidly cold for my neck of the woods, is going to warm up to 80 degrees by the end of the week. That, too, helps me as I am very affected by the weather.
Things feel stable, for now.
So glad that things are feeling better! I can’t imagine how sleep deprived you must be! Sounds like it was a better day (or two) with the hubby pitching in and you getting to spend some enjoyable time with you son! We will all be here to support you on the good days and the no so good ones too!
Sleep deprivation is gruesome. It makes fools of us all, without discrimination. After some rest, everything appears in an entirely different colour.
From your description of your husband’s behaviour, I would say that he regrets what happeded. Do try and have that conversation and clear everything up. You should not live with doubts, when doubts are only brought by the lack of sleep and rest. He has been with you through so much, he has loved and supported you, I cannot believe that he has betrayed your trust on purpose. He is not like the rest of the people. It must have been a glitch. Don’t leave things unsaid, they fester and become toxic. When you are in such a tender place, you need to talk more than ever. Guessing the other’s mind and thoughts is never reliable, especially not now. As I have said, I have been once in your shoes and I spent the most awful two days not speaking about the misunderstanding and imagining horror things in my head, and I could have spared myself the trouble if only I had spoken earlier.
Both my boys giggle madly when I kiss the soft spot under their chins. Absolutely heart melting moments.
Big sigh of relief. It sounds like things are on a better track. Sleep deprivation is awful. It’s like when your back hurts, it affects your entire body and you can’t ignore it or plow through. Sleep deprivation affects your entire being.