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Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"

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A Year and a Day Ago

I so meant to post something yesterday, but, the bleeding returned (it seems to have finally stopped completely and I did speak with my OB and feel like we have a plan) and I was still not feeling great, so I missed the day, but did not miss thinking about how much my life has changed in one year.

A year ago yesterday we arrived at the fertility clinic expecting to transfer one or two embryos. Since I hadn’t heard anything to the contrary, I assumed all three vitrified embryos were developing and was worried we were going to have to decide which two of the three to transfer and that the other would not survive to be re-thawed. I was hoping, really, that nature had taken its course and that the decision would have been made for us.

I remember after entering the procedure room, the embryologist coming in (the same one that had delivered embryo news to us in 12 other transfers but who I didn’t think knew us from Adam) with a picture of the three embryos and explaining that, while they were all still alive, they had not developed beyond the cell number they each had at the time they were thawed the day before. I was in shock and almost instantly numb. What did this mean?

My RE came in soon after and said that when he arrived that morning the picture of the embryos was on his desk with my file. Since it looked exactly like the image from the day before, he went to the lab thinking there had been a mistake and asked to see the image from that day. Of course, the embryologist explained that that was the image from that day and that they had not developed. In recounting this to us, my RE said he had never had it happen this way with all embryos that were thawed. He seemed perplexed and disappointed but not dismayed.

After much discussion and confirmation that, yes, they were all still alive, we made the decision to transfer all three. I was not expecting to transfer three; prior to my appointment, I didn’t even want to transfer two and run the risk of twins, but I didn’t want to run the risk of not getting pregnant at all, either. This was our last shot.

I remember, post transfer, my RE saying to me clearly, that this should not be all doom and gloom. That the egg donor was young and that the original couple did become pregnant and deliver twins. He was measured, though, and specifically did not congratulate us on being pregnant until proven otherwise (something he had done from time to time before). His last words were ‘let’s wait and see’.

I do not use the words miracle or blessing very often because both have religious connotations and I am decidedly not religious. But, as I felt during the transfer of blastocysts that created our first son (and was reinforced time and time again when another 5 OE cycles did not produce another healthy pregnancy), and again when the donated embryo FET was successful, there were other forces at work.

I just put my almost 4 month old son down for his late afternoon nap and to sit to write this post. I am humble and grateful beyond measure and am without the vocabulary to adequately convey the depth of emotion I feel for being on the other side of our family building efforts. It was an eight year odyssey that took, at times, very dark turns. Yet, and in spite of every twist, we are on the other side, our family complete, with two boys to love and cherish daily.

My thoughts are never far from those I know who are still in the struggle of their lives to become parents or add to their families. And, I think often of those who are newly diagnosed with infertility, the whole scary road ahead of them, not even knowing the options available to them or which one will be the right one for them.

And, as news continues to unfold about the horrifying events in Boston, I think of this new world that I am raising my sons in. I want for them what all parents want for their children, a happy, healthy childhood, free from grown-up worries. That is getting harder and harder to do.

To those still in the struggle and those affected by acts of the evil among us, I leave you with this quote from Mr. Rogers about what his mother used to say during scary times:

“Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping”

12 comments to A Year and a Day Ago

  • szept22 You could undoubtedly see your enthusiasm in the function you write. The world hopes for a lot more passionate writers like you who aren’t afraid to say how they believe. Always go soon after your heart.

  • There are certainly a couple more details to take into consideration, but thank you for sharing this information.I like your no bs posts they are the reason I keep coming back here.

  • Jill [25],Understand your point but the NFL has also founded organizations for youth initiatives, the Make-a-Wish-Foundation, Disaster Relief Funds and many local and national fund-raising events. Again, I hear you but players and the league do give something back.

  • Liker denne planten skikkelig godt! Og det er artig Ã¥ sjÃ¥ den variasjonen han har i form (og forhÃ¥pentlegvis farge, dersom ein er heldig og fÃ¥r gule blomar pÃ¥ han). Denne trenden var veldig lett Ã¥ hive seg pÃ¥! :)Ha ein fin dag alle saman!

  • The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.

  • Gente, me identifiquei com este post! :D (2)minha tia começou a me ensinar crochê há pouco tempo e ainda não consegui encontrar um meio legal de segurar a linha na mão esquerda, tem hora que começa a me dar aflição, mas vou tentando …. quero pelo menos conseguir fazer cachecóis para minhas Blythes rsss =)

  • Wow, that’s a really clever way of thinking about it!

  • I wonder if I can do one of these locally here in NC and put up $100 per working gun, and donate 20$ for each gun turned in, to a Newtown charity. Only I keep all the guns It seems like it would be legal. I wonder how many $100 AR’s & AK’s I’d end up with? It’s tempting me.

  • It’s always a relief when someone with obvious exseptire answers. Thanks!

  • Meg

    I want to reinforce Claire’s response. Not just plan, but do!

  • wow. You have come a long way baby! I don’t believe in miracles much of the time, but this one, this one is a real kind of special something. reading the blow by blow on the embryos it really hits home!!! that’s one for your RE’s amazing outcome from a gloomy situation anecdote book
    I worry too about the world I am bringing up my child in, and know that I can’t just hope to duck the bad things, but that I must figure out a way to make some kind of impact and work for good. I believe that this world that we live in is so precarious and in order to be happy and safe, we all have to do something to make sure that others are safe, warm, fed, cared for, loved, etc etc. Those are simple things we can do. Just my two cents:)
    And as for that bleeding, my dear, I was quietly shaking my head and saying, Go to the ER, when I read your last post. Please get some kind of check up. Please have your OBGYN look at you and see how everything is healing ( not sure if he will need a magnifying glass or a laparoscope!) but please get checked out. You are too precious to your family to be bleeding and weak for no apparent reason!!!!

  • This brought tears to my eyes- there is beauty and horror all around us every day- it’s a wonderful thing to have things in life to be grateful for.

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