A deep, pensive, and long-lasting sadness.
Sad, gloomy, or depressed.
It is very rare for me to feel this way, even on this day, yet it has washed over me. It is every single thing and no one thing. What was taken from me, my innocence and love of my brother, at such a young age, and all that I have worked for and that life has given me since. Perhaps, in a valiant effort to right the wrong.
That any one day should have such significance; the slow passing of the twenty-four hour clock.
I kiss the baby, too much and maybe too hard. He is my solace in this sunny dark day spent otherwise alone.
Tears, stifled behind my eyes. My heart heavy. Oh, so heavy.
So much lost and my life spent trying to make up for it to people who do not, can not care.
I should get out of the house, do something, go somewhere, anywhere, for the distraction of it. But, why? The shadow will go with me. At least here, at home, I know where to find it and there’ll be no sneaking up on me.
Only twelve hours now, til the striking of the midnight bells and the flipping of the calendar page to a new day.