pain management for arthritis

Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"

Archives

Visitors

Melancholy

Noun
A deep, pensive, and long-lasting sadness.
Adjective
Sad, gloomy, or depressed.
~dictionary.com

It is very rare for me to feel this way, even on this day, yet it has washed over me. It is every single thing and no one thing. What was taken from me, my innocence and love of my brother, at such a young age, and all that I have worked for and that life has given me since. Perhaps, in a valiant effort to right the wrong.

That any one day should have such significance; the slow passing of the twenty-four hour clock.

I kiss the baby, too much and maybe too hard. He is my solace in this sunny dark day spent otherwise alone.

Tears, stifled behind my eyes. My heart heavy. Oh, so heavy.

So much lost and my life spent trying to make up for it to people who do not, can not care.

I should get out of the house, do something, go somewhere, anywhere, for the distraction of it. But, why? The shadow will go with me. At least here, at home, I know where to find it and there’ll be no sneaking up on me.

Only twelve hours now, til the striking of the midnight bells and the flipping of the calendar page to a new day.

Tick tock.

6 comments to Melancholy

Leave a Reply

  

  

  

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>