Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"




Thank you so much for your care and concern regarding my post yesterday. Thank you, too, for sharing your personal experiences with your relationships and with depression.

I did send an email to my internist and have yet to get a response (which is unusual). I also sent an email to my therapist and included the email to my doctor and a link to the blog post. She responded (even though I think she is on vacation) and offered to see me next week upon her return (it is just so hard for me to get into lengthy appointments with the baby and so little help). She also gave me a referral to a local psychiatrist who specializes in women’s issues, specifically infertility, pregnancy after infertility, post partum, menopause, and depression. I reached out to the doctor and the first step is to have a phone consultation which I am trying to arrange for tomorrow morning.

It is hard for me to believe that I may be clinically depressed or even be suffering from post partum depression, but my gut tells me that I am chemically imbalanced on some level. It seems, just from the cursory Internet research I did yesterday, that there is no clear-cut way to determine the deficiency especially if it is with a neurotransmitter like serotonin or dopamine. Regardless, I’ll leave diagnosis up to a professional.

Also, when my husband didn’t come home for lunch and then dropped our son home from camp without coming in, I knew he was still angry from our morning’s exchange. I sent him an email basically telling him that I’m not well, that it’s all I can do to care for the children, and I chronicled some of my other symptoms. He was QUITE relieved. We have work to do, to be sure, but only after the fog that I am in lifts through whatever mechanism that may be.

It is very difficult for me to reconcile how I feel and have been feeling with who I know myself to be, but try as I might, I can’t effect any significant change through self-talk. Of course, it is logical and even plausible that given all things converging upon me–perimenopause, post partum, parenting two children, sleep deprivation, marital discord, parental estrangement, career/return-to-work uncertainty–that I may very well be depressed, it’s just foreign to me.

Help, I’m hoping, is on the way.

7 comments to Update

  • So glad you reached out for help. I was in a similar situation a year ago. My family finally had to have an intervention with me to get me to go and see someone. I was depressed, with similar symptoms. And it was really hard on the hubby. We made it through and we are in a much better place now.

    Hang in there. It gets better, with help.

  • I’m so glad you’re reaching out and getting the help you need. I don’t think there’s been enough research about the after effects of infertility and parenting after infertility and chemical imbalances/depression. Wishing you all the best.

  • Glad that you are reaching out for elp. You have a lot of changes going on in your life and it never hurts to talk to someone, regardless of what the diagnosis may be!

  • M

    Thank you for reaching out. In a month, if your experience is anything like mine, it will have been the hardest part to do.

  • I’m glad you reached out to your doctor and therapist. I’ve never dealt with depression so I can’t armchair diagnose you, but I am glad you are going to get professional attention. I know you will take your next steps thoughtfully. Wishing you well, friend.

  • Karen

    Good. I was really worried. Like Mel said, treat the “is” and then you can deal with the “it.”

    xoxo here if you need it.

  • Jen

    Phew, I’m really happy you are reaching out for some help. You are right, you may just be in the “perfect storm” of post partum, sleep deprivation, parenting 2 children, etc. sounds like the psychiatrist is quite competent and I’m sure he/she will offer you a solid plan. Again, always hoping the best for you and your family.

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