I can’t recall a time where there was something I knew I needed that I didn’t want to do more than I don’t want to see a psychiatrist. Yes, I spoke with her and I can see why my therapist recommended her. We jived, just like I did with my therapist. Still, I just don’t want to go through this process. In fact, I fucking hate that I’m in a place where I need to.
I feel like I’ve spent so much time and money and emotional energy on fixing myself and it just feels like ‘here I go again’. The consultation, scheduled for next week, is 90 minutes and $450! I just hate having to spend that much money on myself, on this. It was bad enough that infertility treatments sucked our savings dry and now this? I dislike, immensely, having to spend the money trying to care for myself. I know how that sounds but it’s the truth.
I don’t like the high maintenance costs of being me. Yes, I get that I’m 8 months in to whatever ‘this’ is, maybe longer, and that I can’t go on like this ad infinitum, but this goes against my grain.
It’s stressful because I don’t know what I am going to do for work or when so I know that this will be coming out of savings, along with other unplanned expenses. So, it adds insult to injury at a time where I’m, I don’t know, fragile.