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Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"

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Buried Under a Mountain

Oh.my.word! This has been THE worst season of sick in all my time as a mother. It started with the stomach flu (possibly norovirus) that hit the baby, my older son, and my husband. We’d barely recovered from that when my older son got the actual flu, spiked a 104 degree fever (the highest in his young life) necessitating a trip to the ER. Even with alternating Motrin and Tylenol consistently, his temperature hovered around 102 for four days. I have never seen him that sick, that listless, that unlike himself. It didn’t help that California has had 95 confirmed flu related deaths this season, three of which were children under age 10 and all of which were people under 65 and that there are 60 deaths under investigation. While I haven’t historically believed in the flu vaccine, my older son was the only one of us that didn’t get vaccinated this year and I can’t bear to ever see him that sick again if the vaccine might lessen the symptoms or duration.

He hadn’t even been recovered from the flu for a week when he was hit with another stomach bug. He threw up 4 times between 2-3 AM Sunday. That was followed by diarrhea, another first for him. He had a number of accidents yesterday, not knowing how quickly he needed to get to the bathroom, something that has never happened since he was potty trained at age 3. Then, overnight, he had an ‘episode’ in his sleep, slept in it for several hours, woke up horrified at 2 this morning and it took my husband and I an hour to clean him up, his clothes, his bed, the bathroom. I kept him home from school today so that he wouldn’t suffer the embarrassment of having an accident at school even though he otherwise seems fine.

The weather here has been beautiful, in the high 70s with sunny, clear blue skies. This is NOT what we need, not by a long shot, we need sustained rain, but since that is not within my control, I will gladly take the sunshine as it helps my mood in measurable ways.

My weight loss has plateaued. Given the many weeks of sick, I haven’t had the time to track what I’m eating much less plan and prepare meals. Meals have mostly been catch as catch can. I think I’ve gained one pound and it makes me miserable, but I can only do what I can do. I’m not binge eating or eating poorly, just eating too much when I do eat or not enough of the right things. I am very mindful though which I think has gone a long way toward me not packing the weight back on. And, I am working out which is my salvation.

I am still trying to make headway on finding my birth father. A friend (whose mother placed her sister for adoption) hooked me up with someone who suggested posting my information to a site that then broadcasts it to Search Angels (volunteers in states across the country who help reunite folks for free). It seems daunting to me and I feel very vulnerable and exposed. As Sarah commented on my prior post, I do need someone to act as an intermediary and titrate the information and act as a buffer so I can feel protected as I process it. I’m leery of the whole ‘search angel’ concept but think it might be a good first step.

I’m trying to do some consulting work for my former employer. I finished one project and am on to the next but the second is the recruitment of a manager for one of their branches and I only get paid if I surface the candidate. It has been very hard to find time to work in between all the sick and even though I’ve reached out to about 50 prospective candidates, I haven’t had one bite.

I want to write an entire post dedicated to the subtle shift I see happening in life, the shift from weddings and baby showers to funerals. I want to write a post on ‘should’ parenting. I want to write a post on the metallic taste I started having in my mouth a week ago and how its morphed into this sweetish-medicinal taste that is driving me nuts and I am sure is indicative of some dreaded disease. I want to write on having no libido, none, and the lack of sex in my marriage and what to do about it. I want to and hopefully I will. I would like to return to my regularly scheduled programming.

5 comments to Buried Under a Mountain

  • Sarah B

    I’m so sorry it’s been such a tough year for your oldest! Poor guy! I hope the worst of it is over? I hope you can did out of your health issues soon. Maybe the mouth taste is a side effect from medication?

    Oooh, I’d love to hear what you have to say about sex/marriage (same here!) and ‘should’ parenting – if I have to read another article on Facebook about what latest trend in rearing children I’m not doing or see another headline about the so-called mommy wars, I think I’ll scream.

  • It has been a terrible year, and our house is in a terrible state as well. I hope things get better for you soon- I look forward to reading all of the posts you have planned, as I have been noticing many of the same things. Sending love and hugs…

  • M

    Hope the sick eases, see if you recently changed toothpastes or started a new tube (try baking soda by itself for a few days and see if the taste goes away), and I look forward to reading your posts. And I hope you can find an advocate for yourself in your birth father search.

  • ana

    Is it related to the anti-depressant (the taste, I mean, though the libido most definitely is)? We’ve had sick on top of sick on top of sick here, too, though thankfully no such accidents (lots and lots of vomit though). Poor guys, all 4 of you. I am very much looking forward to all of those posts you have planned, whenever you have the time and energy.

  • Ugh on all the sick. I hope you have met your quota for the season and are in for a long stretch of feeling good.

    I get that metallic taste when we do a certain yoga pose that includes rapid breathing. The teachers say it’s a sign of detoxing. I hope that it’s a low-level thing for you.

    Watching your search process. You might be interested in an anthology that just came out about adoption reunion — with various perspectives (disclosure: including mine). I wrote about it today if you want more info.

    xoxo

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