Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"

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“I’m three, mommy. I’m a big boy now.”

My son just turned three and I can not fathom where the time has gone. I compared pictures from the day he was born to pictures three years later and I am floored. I can’t easily wrap my brain around it. And, like so many mothers say, he is still my baby (please shoot me if I’m saying that on his 16th birthday). If not for the diapers and the propensity for all out tantrums for no discernible reason, there’s not much left of my 8 lb 9 oz, 22 inch baby in his now 35 lb, 41 inch body.

Other than my wedding day (and my entire engagement, really) I have never been as happy in my life as I was the first year of his (which is not to say that I’m not happy now, but the happiness I feel now is more along the lines of feeling proud of him and who he is becoming and more settled with the parenting aspect). And, having gotten off the ART train, I am trying to be more in the moment than constantly plotting my next family building move. I still feel incomplete or unsettled a bit not having fully worked that out, but I spend less time thinking about it than at any other time in my son’s short life.

And, in less proud news, here I am, three years later, with copious amounts of weight to lose. It is so daunting to consider what/how/when to tackle it. I have made some changes (no.more.diet.coke.buying) but nothing along the lines of what I’m going to have to do to get this weight off, especially at my age (and if you think IF wreaks age related havoc, try losing weight in your early 40s). I know myself and know that when I commit to a program I will lose the weight but I just can’t seem to get started. I am stuck. And, since I’m an emotional eater, I know that this is somehow tied up in our not moving forward with any attempt at a sibling. I can’t let that go so I can’t move forward. Something will have to give and I hope that something comes sooner rather than later (and, universe, I am not calling for anything bad to shake me into action, so please do not misinterpret my plea). It depresses me beyond words which only adds insult to injury for an emotional eater.

I didn’t intend this post to become about that, but it’s funny where the mind will go if you let it.
Happy birthday baby boy. You are the sunshine through the rain, and my hope for the future. You are funny and spirited and challenging. You are sweet and love your mommy and daddy. I love you with all that I am.

1 comment to “I’m three, mommy. I’m a big boy now.”

  • I’m an emotional eater too. Had a bad day? Why not treat yourself to chocolate? Had a good day? Why not celebrate with a burger and fries cuz you deserve it? Feeling glum? Maybe some ice cream will help. I luv food waaayyyy too much, and I use it to fill voids sometimes.

    And 35lbs – holy! I bet you have pipes!!! :-)

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