Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"



Update – The Search for my Husband’s Birth Mother

My husband is very detached from being adopted.   There is some bitterness there and as I’ve searched (and found) my own birth mother, he has never had interest in finding his.  At least not for himself.  I think, in part, he has wanted to protect his mother as he felt she’d be possibly hurt or betrayed if he went looking for his birth mother.  Never once, in the 14 years we’ve been together, has he ever had a desire to even get his medical/family history if it meant finding her to do so. However, my husband is pragmatic and, for the sake of our older son, he has been amenable to me looking for her so that our son can learn more about his genetic background.

I posted back in July that through what I am sure was a careless mistake (and one that I have heard often happens) on the part of the Adoption Expediter we were given the name of his birth mother. I found a woman that I believe is her but it has taken me this many months to do anything about it. Last night, I finally shared information on both Baby G’s origins and the search for my husband’s birth mother with my sister-in-law (my husband’s brother’s wife). I gave her the potential woman’s name and she immediately found her FB page (when I went looking for one over the summer she didn’t have one and I never checked again). I messaged the woman through FB last night. My husband is aware and approving but resistant to doing anything himself and I am more than willing to be his advocate.

I learned that when you FB message a person that you are not FB friends with, the message goes to an “Other” Inbox, different from the Inbox FB messages go to from one’s friends. I didn’t know this Inbox existed and when I found mine, I had 29 messages in there, going back to 2009, more than half of which were legit, and three were from people trying to find me, two of which I’ve since connected with! So, if you are as unaware as I was, when you click on either “Messages” from the left nav bar of FB or the Messages icon from the top, the pop-up window will show your primary Inbox and next to it, a link to “Other”. Clicking on that, brings up your ‘Other’ Inbox. It is quite possible that if I didn’t know about the existence of another Inbox, she won’t either.

I did some more digging and uncovered her home address as well as two email addresses. I sent an email to both email addresses, one immediately came back as undeliverable, but one did not.  Of course, I don’t know for sure that she is my husband’s birth mother, but I have an inkling that she is. Their resemblance is uncanny. If I get no response to the email that went through, I will send a letter, certified mail. Stay tuned…

In other news, I have done nothing more to pursue my birth father although I think of him almost every day. I need an advocate!

11 comments to Update – The Search for my Husband’s Birth Mother

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  • I was going to say what Mel said.

    Your husband is lucky to have you as his advocate :-)

  • I thought most people knew about the “Other” box. I can’t say I check mine often, but I learned about it awhile ago. Also, I think if you have FB Messenger on your phone, all your messages come in the same way.

    I do hope you have some luck with the email, though. That seems like a better bet.

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  • Lara

    So I just discovered three messages in the other inbox that I never knew existed on FB. As for trying to contact this woman, I had a thought. On FB (if you are worried she won’t see her other inbox) you could attempt to friend her because FB will let you send a message with a friend request. Good luck!

  • Mel

    Wow! Big steps. I believe — though I’m not certain — that when you send a friend request and then write a note, that note goes into this normal folder instead of “other.” Though, you’d have to send the friend request too, which could seem odd.


  • Chris

    I had no idea that “other” box was there. And I found things there I wish I hadn’t. LOL. Thanks for the information though. Somedays social media is just too social, you know?

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