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Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"



The Short of It

These experiences around finding our birth families always seem to come with a flurry of activity.

The short of it is that, Jay, the PI, using all the data points we had (name of birth father (JJG), name of birth father’s father, birth father’s birth day, where birth father was living at the time of my husband’s birth, etc) found the man he believed to be my husband’s birth father. He called him, it was 8:30 PM on Thursday evening in NJ, where he lives, his wife answered the phone and was reluctant to hand it over, “Honey, there’s a Jay on the phone, you don’t know any Jay…”. Regardless, when JJG got on the line, Jay explained that he was helping someone locate members of his biological family and went on to confirm what he already knew (his name, his father’s name, his birth date, and where he was living 45 years ago). When asked directly if he knew my husband’s birth mother he said no and when asked if he could possibly be my husband’s birth father he also said no and followed it with ‘there must be some mistake’.

Now, to be fair, his wife was standing right there and perhaps she is unaware that he fathered a child out of wedlock four decades ago. Jay said in all his years doing this, the only people who say there must be some mistake are those for whom there is no mistake.

I circled back to my husband’s birth mother to confirm her surety about what she told me and she was positive about what he told her at the time. I’ve since inquired as to how much about our search for him she wants to know (I imagine it will anger her to know he denies knowing her, denies knowing he fathered a child).

The next step will be to send him a letter. Perhaps now that he knows he’s been found and sits with that information for a bit, he’ll come clean. It’s hard to know and we’ll have to see.

As for my birth father, it really does seem like his last name is going to be key. Jay suggested I go back to my birth mother again. We all know how well that’s turned out in the past, but perhaps giving her a final opportunity before showing up in her town to try to uncover the facts for myself, might inspire her to comply.

If you are interested in birth family reunification stories, the journey of our local news anchor, Chris Schauble’s, is, perhaps, the best I’ve seen. The entire story has been airing in segments as it’s been unfolding and each clip can be found, in order, here. It was because of the airing of his story that I contacted Jay who was instrumental in helping Chris locate members of his family and connect the dots to his biological story.

5 comments to The Short of It

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  • Mel

    I have to wonder if the wife does know/suspect what the call meant, and maybe her reluctance to put him on is more indicative that she doesn’t want to open that box (and hence why the husband also denied it while in front of her).

    I hope your birth mother gives you the information this time. How could it possibly be preferable for you to be contacting old classmates, poking around the town, etc, than it would be to keep it between the two of you and have her just hand you the information?

  • This is all so interesting. I hope that you both find the birth fathers that you are searching for.

    I was wondering, does Jay look for people all over the country? My parents had a daughter when they were 17 and I have always been interested in finding her (my mother is too, my father, not so much). If you think Jay could help me find her, would you send me his information? I’d really appreciate it.


    esperanzasays {at} gmail {dot} com

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