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Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"

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This

It has hurt me on some primal level that my parents didn’t even acknowledge my birthday. It’s a feeling I can’t seem to shake, being abandoned by two sets of parents. Me, the parentless child.

Kinship is the only thing that makes me feel better…knowing that I am not alone. It isn’t even the awareness that others had it so much worse than I did, just that others are estranged, too. Being part of a group, even one I wish I weren’t a member of, brings me solace.

And, like a hug sent from the ether, I read this, and I know I am not alone.

10 comments to This

  • Mel

    I’m sad they couldn’t use the opening of a birthday as a chance to reach out. A loss for all of you.

    The pictures from that post were haunting.

  • I am so sorry that you’ve been served this double whammy. But I’m glad you’ve found people who get it, however nonsensical “it” can be.

  • Jen

    I’ve been estranged from my father since I was 21 years old and the last time he acknowledged a birthday I was probably around 10-12 years old. It just plain hurts to not have a parent acknowledge the day of your birth. I’m sorry and I really identified with so much of what the other blogger said in her post. Your parents are really missing out on knowing such a strong, smart, talented daughter, wife, mom, and friend.

  • Claire

    I’m glad you wrote this and found that amazing post too. I am aggrieved that you have been abandoned by not one but two “mothers”. That is extremely clear. Even though with each one the distancing is different, the result seems to be the same.
    I think finding kinship is something that blogs and such really help with. You have a following of really devoted readers and commenters and we are some of your kin. I know I feel that way about you. Hugs.
    For the record I would like to slap both your “mothers” into next week but it would do no good and I don’t hit ppl as a rule.

  • Lara

    Thank you for sharing this post. So beautifully written. Estrangement is hard, I know. But it’s not our fault. Still it hurts. Thinking of you.

  • First – Happy belated birthday! It sounds like you had a great time.
    I am sorry that your parents did not acknowledge your birthday. I am sorry you had to go through all this crap. I too wish I had a mum with whom to connect, and share, and I don’t, it’s not the same, my mum is alive but her mind is crumbling, has been for years, still, it hurts. I hope we’ll be better mums for our children, and they never have to doubt our love.
    Hugs!

  • Sarah

    ((((((((Hugs))))))

  • Becky

    Every time you write about your parents I want to respond. But I don’t because I don’t know what to say in a few sentences. This is such a big and painful issue. I had parents but always felt like an orphan (still do). I’ve been in therapy for years to understand the effects of a narcissistic mother and an emotionally distant father. Hard to sort out when I was told I had a great family. You’re doing a good job in your situation. Your top priority regarding your parents needs to be protecting yourself, caring for your needs, desires, feelings relating to them. Don’t give them opportunities to hurt you unless you make a clear choice with yourself to do that and are OK with how they may act. I have a bit of contact with my mother but first I consult my inner child about what she is comfortable with me doing (regarding my mother). Her safety and well-being come first. Best wishes to you as you tread this complicated path. I am sorry for your pain. Becky

  • Sarah B

    I’m glad you found that post when you needed it.

    I’ve been estranged from my father for about 20 year snow, but I think that isn’t so uncommon.

    And wow, those antique pictures of babies in the post? So strange.It’s funny how at one time a pose like that seemed like a good idea.

  • I’m sorry. That post is so moving. I’m glad that reading it brings you some comfort.

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