Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"



“Where Am I? Where Did I Go?”

~ From BabyFirstTV’s Peek-a-boo; it is the cutest thing.

I am committed to NOT falling off the face of the blogosphere, but it is harder and harder to find time to write. In fact, I was approached to review a new infertility book that I am way overdue in posting (which will include a giveaway of the book, both of which are a first for this blog!). I write posts in my sleep over and over but can’t transcribe them to this space. I felt a lot of guilt that my reader was well over 125 unread posts, 26 belonging to Mel, and my commenting was non-existent. I’ve whittled the list down to under 40 and hope to catch up (and with my commenting) this weekend.

Thank you to those who have checked in on me and to those who’ve said they miss my writing. I’m touched. And, I am well. You may remember my post about my uncle who was murdered. He was my uncle’s (my mom’s brother) wife’s sister’s husband. There is another sister, my Aunt C, whose husband passed away rather suddenly two weeks ago after a recurrence of prostate cancer that swiftly took his life. He was 81. They lived nearby, and theirs was the house we spent Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. My aunt is devastated, still in shock, and can’t believe he is gone. Even though he was 20 yrs older than my other uncle and even though that uncle’s death was tragic and completely senseless (do you know that the police STILL have not issued a final report on his murder?!) my aunt is grief stricken. We were already a small family who just grew smaller in the span of 3 months. It is sad.

I do think we’ve decided to stay put, in So CA, for the time being, even though I continue to look at listings in the Portland area. We just had a solar company come out to give us a bid and we’ll likely move forward with that in 2015. It is possible that we’ll buy an income or vacation property in the Portland area, but before any of that can happen, I MUST return to work. I have been out of the workforce for 4 1/2 yrs and, as a former headhunter, I know that 5 yrs is its own kind of gainful employment death knell. I am looking at all sorts of options as my background is varied and would lend itself to a few different kinds of opportunities, but I haven’t landed anything, yet. It is going to be very hard for me to return to a corporate environment and I wish I had a skill or passion that would translate into a small business venture, but we don’t have that kind of money to spend as I need to be generating income as soon as possible (that will add to our depleted savings and pay for G’s care while I’m working). I’m flummoxed, if I’m being honest, but I am looking, daily. I would still love to foray into the infertility business, but when my proposal to my RE/clinic went nowhere, it kinda cooled my jets.

In 18 months I will be FIFTYFUCKINGYEARSOLD. It seems like the biggest age related milestone of my life. I am working on a 50 Before 50 list that I will post here when finished (very interested to know what is on your list?). Having a toddler keeps me feeling young as does consistently working out. That said, my metabolism has slowed to a snail’s pace and it has been recommended that I need to increase my 4 time/wk work-outs to daily and restrict my calories to 1,200. That is a tall order as being hungry does not suit me. I’ve continued to attempt the THM lifestyle although admit to being mostly confused by it, still. Now that my thyroid levels are within normal limits, something that has taken months of tweaking my meds to achieve, I am starting the lifestyle over, which is to say, from the beginning, and trying to learn what I couldn’t the first go around.

Even though the general stressers of my life persist (continued estrangement/difficulties with my parents, our deepening financial worries, weight gain as a result of my thyroid that I am hoping to turn around now, the need for me to be employed, G’s continued speech lag) I am abundantly grateful for my health and that of my boys, for my marriage to the exact right man for me, for the close friends I have who are my chosen family and who fill my heart to overflowing, and for this life that I live.

4 comments to “Where Am I? Where Did I Go?”

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  • 290663 5722Woh I love your posts , bookmarked ! My wife and i take issue along with your last point. 241938

  • sarah b

    I’m glad to hear you are well! As you can see, I’ve pretty much abandoned my blog but don’t have the nerve to shut it down altogether. Blogging just stopped feeling relevant or authentic somehow, but I know I can always come back to writing. I might pick up journaling…I love the idea of a 50 for 50 bucket list and would be so curious to read what you write! I’ll be 40 next year and have milestone birthdays on the brain. Time is so strange.

  • Barely Sane

    Yikes, I’ve been away too long! Look how big he is. I understand the pull of ‘life’ that keeps us from posting. I am trying desperately to find my way back into it and it’s a struggle when every day is so full.
    Sorry for all the loss – it’s hard enough to deal with one but when they come in groups, it’s hard to remember to keep breathing. Hang in there.

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