I am taking my 50 before 50 seriously and wanted to get this posted by last Friday in order to fulfill my #30 entry of posting at least once/wk. At the point I hit publish on my last post, the virus must have already been working its way through my system as by a week ago Saturday, I was expelling the entire contents of my stomach into the toilet. And, by Sunday morning, it was literally coming out of both ends at once and required a lot of maneuvering on my part to NOT make a complete disaster of our bathroom. My first real meal was 3 days ago. I finally feel recovered even if that means that this post is overdue, but that just means two posts this week to catch up. I can do that. Right?
I do have news to share regarding the search for my husband’s birth father (you can read about my finding his birth mother here, here, and here and the search for his birth father here and here). Because I’m tenacious and a bit annoyed at those who don’t want to be found denying who they are or omitting information they have, I decided to send Christmas cards to: my birth mother, my first adoptive father (my mom’s first husband and my deceased brother’s father), my husband’s birth mother, my husband’s younger half-brother, and my husband’s suspected birth father). Our card was a photo card and on the back I more or less wrote that during the holiday season we were thinking of extended family (and to those for whom hearing from us was a first, I included our relationship to them).
A few days ago, I received an anonymous letter (anonymous in that it had no return address and was signed first name only) from a long-time friend of my husband’s birth father. The gist of the letter was to provide confirmation that he was who we thought he was, share pertinent medical information (turns out my husband inherited gout from both his paternal grandfather and biological father and is taking the same preventative medication that his BF takes), and the ages and causes of death of his paternal grandparents. It humbly asked that we refrain from further contact. Both my husband and I took this as the gift of kindness that it was.
For my part, I circled back with Jay, our PI, to provide him with his success and to inquire about half-siblings. He provided the names and birth dates of 4 children, two of which are likely my husband’s cousins and two his younger half-siblings (a brother and a sister). We’ll do nothing with the information for the time being. I am fairly certain that the family, maybe even this man’s current wife, know nothing about the existence of my husband. No good will come of us reaching out. Should his birth father pass away, well, maybe then.
I should also mention that through the twists that the universe takes, I have become quite close to my husband’s birth mother, so much so that I am FB friends with her and so, now, is my husband. It feels right for the both of us and has even been good for my mother-in-law who is also in direct contact with her. A lot of healing has come from finding and knowing her. My MIL is thinking of having an 85th birthday party at the end of this year and if she does, we will go. And, if we go, we will meet my husband’s birth mother, too.
I’ve gotten no response from my birth mother from my last two pieces of correspondence. At this moment and while I have the great desire to find my birth father, I have no idea how to proceed, although I plan to.
G turned 2! TWO! We are approaching 6 months of speech therapy and while there has been a LOT of progress, we have a ways to go to catch him up. I love him in a way I am sure there is no word for. And, not to play favorites, my older son will be 8, EIGHT, in 2 months. At7y9M, he finally lost his first tooth, followed quickly by two others and was quite happy to no longer be the only one in second grade to not have lost a tooth.
Finally, I posted this back in July, 2014, and am happy to report that last night, Wendy Burch gave birth to an 8#8oz baby boy named Brady. I am thrilled about the happy ending to her story and am also thrilled that Bobbie Thomas, Today Show contributor, is 12 weeks pregnant through her 4th IVF and you can see her update here. These public women sharing their experiences with infertility and journey to motherhood is helpful in raising awareness and bringing IF and ART to the fore.