pain management for arthritis

Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"

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I Cry…

…for that brave eleven yr old girl and how upside down her life was
…for the loss of innocence, that little girl grew up over night
…for the myriad ways she would always miss her brother
…for the memories of that fateful day that she would relive over and over and over and over
…for the physical pain she endured but never let on to anyone
…for the way worse emotional pain she endured and never let on to anyone
…for the happiness that she exuded, the mask she wore, so that no one would cry
…for the nine long months she was bedridden, flat on her back
…for the indignities she had to face, using a bed pan and being entirely dependent on everyone for everything
…for the leg that would atrophy to the point that she would be unable to stand, let alone walk
…for the scars that would never let her forget
…for the insecurity that being in a wheelchair caused, the stares, the pointing, the whispers
…for how alone she was with her grief, the stuffed animals that surrounding her becoming her therapists and friends
…for the fear instilled when her orthopedist told her she’d never walk again
…for how she wished it’d been her instead of him
…for the way she blamed herself, replaying what happened and what she could have done to prevent it
…for the fractured and broken family that was left behind to care for her
…for how terrified she was of what would become of her
…with pride for just how much she overcame
…with relief and joy because she survived

7 comments to I Cry…

  • mo

    so so much. no 11 year old (or anyone, for that matter) should have to facet these things. and yet you did, and they’ve become a piece of who you are now. sending thoughts.

    mo

  • Jen

    Even though I’m familiar with your past, this post is so touching to me. I don’t think I will very fully understand the gravity of the trauma and loss that you faced. I do know that your childhood experiences have shaped who you are as a friend, wife , and mother. Your ability to feel empathy for others and to be a loving person is astounding. Love you.

  • Claire

    I’m so sorry for all that little girl had to endure and proud of the woman you became. Heartbreaking to read but also a revelation. Thanks for letting it out.

  • Mel

    I hope the cry was a release and that you hugged yourself after you wrote this.

  • Lara

    I’ve long been familiar with your story, but never realized the extensive recovery you endured. And yes, I would agree, it did shape you into a better you and the wonderful woman you are today!

  • Peg

    I am proud of her too and very very sorry all that she did and has endured. She’s turned into a pretty amazing women.

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