I will NOT abandon this space. Just knowing that it is here as a touchstone is comforting. I enjoy the writing process. I need a place to gather my thoughts and, frankly, I appreciate every single comment. I share things here that I can’t/won’t/don’t on FB or anywhere else. As the banner says, My place to vent, rant, share, and chart my course and that’s as true today as it was over 5 years and 525 published posts ago.
Yes, G is in his 4th week of part-time preschool. It was rough early on, for both of us. I made the comment that he and I are connected at the heart and leaving him there crying in the arms of his teacher made me physically sick throughout the time that we were apart. Yesterday was our first tear free drop-off. We’re both doing better. I can see him coming fully into his own independent self. It is a beautiful thing.
As for me, it’s been a rocky road with this pituitary thing. The hydrocortisone makes me hungry all the time. The transition to Effexor was a dismal failure (I was having at least four, 20 min hot flashes/day) and I’ve since transitioned back onto Prozac and BAM! no more hot flashes. It is such a relief. I feel a whole lot better overall, though, although I am at my highest post-pregnancy weight by 20#. It is demoralizing and frustrating and I do a fair degree of self-flagellating. My primary care doc said she’d refer me for bariatric surgery (I don’t technically qualify by pounds overweight or BMI, but am close) or to a medically supervised weight management program (Optifast) which I wholeheartedly do NOT believe in. I am >this< close to at least going to the bariatric consult. I have a conference call w my doc this week and I'll see what she has to say. For my part, I work-out a lot, on average 5 times/week for an hour of hard full body conditioning/strength training/endurance/cardio. That said, the adage 'you can't work off of a bad diet' holds true. And, not bad, per se, just too much. After more than a year of being in contact with my husband's birth-mother, we are now also in touch with his younger half-brother. This is all very new, only a couple of weeks old but it has been a lovely experience thus far. We've had great email communications and are friends on FB. I easily see an in-person meeting at some point. He and his family (wife, two young children (girl and boy) live in PA. There are a number of dynamics at play but my husband's birth mother has described her estrangement with her youngest son and let's just say he doesn't see it her way. It means I have to be careful managing both relationships. So, on my husband's mother's side, we're in touch with her, her oldest daughter and her youngest son. There is another son, older than my husband, who she describes as a 'loser' and I'm not quite sure what that means or why, but do know he has a daughter, that he abandon and that his sister adopted and raised. And, in case you are wondering, there has been no further communication with my birth mother or any movement toward finding my birth father. My 50th birthday is 10 mos away and my 50 before 50 is always top of mind. The list is somewhat fluid, evolving, and changing as my priorities and interests do, but it is roughly the same as it was in the beginning and I have made fairly good strides, especially with #s 1, 10, 13, 14, 15, 16, 31, 32, 34, 37, 39, 41, 45, 46, 48, 49, 50. That’s 34%
As it pertains to my facial rejuvenation, I am having monthly facials, had my first round of botox with round #2 scheduled along with some filler, and have my first chemical peel scheduled. Other than cleansing/moisturizing and the 1-2/yr facial, I have never focused on my face. There is something empowering in working toward looking my best self for myself. My weight plays a powerful part in how I view myself and as hard as I have worked with the opposite result than I’ve been working toward, doing what I can elsewise (<--- really should be a word) feels good.