Our Journey

2002 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #1

2003 1st consult with an RE, you know, just in case

2003 Got Married (at 37 (me) & 34 (DH) years old)

2003/2004 Naturally conceived pregnancies BFPs #1, #2, & #3 and miscarriages #1, #2, #3

2005 Uterine Fibroid Surgery #2

2005 IVF #1, BFN #1

2005 IUIs #1 and #2, just because, BFN #2 & #3

2005 FET from IVF #1, BFN #4

2006 Exploratory surgery to remove scar tissue from fibroid sugery #2

2006 IVF #2 (w PGD), BFP #4

2006 Emergency cerclage for IC @ 16w6d (5 months + 1 week of complete bed rest at home ensues)

2007 Our son is born @ 38w by scheduled c-section

2007 IVF #3 for baby #2, BFN #5

2007 IVF #4, BFP #5, miscarriage #4

2008 IVF #5, BFP #6, miscarriage #5

2008 IVF #6, BFP #7, miscarriage #6

2008 DE IVF #7, BFN #6

2009 DEFET #8, cancelled, embryos don't thaw

2010 Decide to adopt domestically

12.17.10 Profile is live with our agency

November 2011 Consult with RE re: donated embryo cycle

Early January 2012 Cleared to proceed with deFET

January 2012 Freeze our profile

1.20.12 deFET begins
2.12.12 eSET of one compacted morula
2.22.12 BFN

3.23.12 deFET #2 begins
4.14.12 transfer 3 embryos (1-8 cell, 1-5 cell, 1-4 cell)
4.22.12 + HPT
4.24.12 Beta #1 = 48.4
4.26.12 Beta #2 = 125.7
4.30.12 Beta #3 = 777.8
5.11.12 1st U/S - Singleton!
7.12.12 It's a Boy!
12.26.12 C-section: Baby G is born, 9#5oz, 20.5"



Bassinet tears

I’ve kept a lot of my son’s “big ticket” baby items which means some have been stored for almost 3 years. I saved things like the bassinet, bumbo, swing, high chair, jumperoo, and pack n play. I was originally saving them because we started trying for a sibling when T was 5 months old and I foolishly thought we’d be using them in short order. That was over two and half years ago. Now, I guess I’m saving them “just in case”.

A friend, who is due with her second boy in April, asked me if we had a bassinet she could borrow. In the interest of full disclosure I should mention that she is more a friend of my husbands and I was at her baby shower when she asked. I should also mention that when my sister was pregnant with her second boy and asked the same question, I didn’t want to loan it to her so we said we’d loaned it to someone else. There I said it, I’m mean.

The question was harmless, she is a nice person, she’s been very good to my husband and son, so I easily and without so much as a second thought said yes. I mentioned to my husband that we needed to get it down from the garage and a couple of days later we did. I even made a play date out of the pick up so that her son and mine could enjoy some back yard time and we could visit with her and her husband.

We pulled the big box down and began to open it. Again, I wasn’t thinking much of it. After all, I was just loaning it to her. When we pulled back the tabs of the box and I saw that little cream and sage green bassinet I let out a faint gasp as I was immediately taken back to our newborn days. It was like a flash…T swaddled with one arm out, sleeping gently next to our bed. Was he EVER that small?

I proceeded to take off all the linens to wash them, again, not thinking much more than, “geez, where did the time go”. I remembered that there was a motorized mobile with little white bears dangling from it that came with the bassinet so off I went to my son’s closet in search of it.

I had to move a LOT of stuff…his infant activity mat, the tray from his swing, his booster seat, the aqua ring…so MANY things I’ve kept while hoping we’ll one day have another. It took me a bit to find it, but there it was, high on one of the shelves, behind some bibs. I pulled it out, the little white bears sweetly dangling there and just having it in my hands pushed me over an edge that I didn’t even know I was teetering on. I accidentally touched one of the buttons which turned the glowing star-covered light on while softly playing “Twinkle Twinkle” and I started to cry.

I stood there for a bit, in my sons closet, mobile clutched tightly to chest, crying and wondering; not only wondering “where did the time go” but also wondering about the ever present looming question “will we ever have another?” And how will I know when the decision has been made?

3 comments to Bassinet tears

  • […] had the chance to put it away. I pass it every day, multiple times, and what once brought me tears now brings a smile of anticipation every time I see it. I can actually visualize the baby we are […]

  • Looking through those tiny things is incredibly bittersweet on its own. But when faced with the question as to whether or not you’ll be able to use them again? It’s too much.

    Hugs and the hopes that the path is clear soon. And brings you peace in the meantime.


  • We may never have a 2nd, but already I look at the stuff I saved and can’t believe he was ever that small. On you having a 2nd though, it’s gotta be hard. Super hard.

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